Bleached bone rays of moonlight stuck the ground like daggers of the purest ivory. The midnight sky was aglow with the fires of distant suns, telling the earth the secrets nobody could hear… This was the time of the night crawlers. Nocturnal animals of all sorts awoke to the usual sights, sounds, and smells of the twilight sky. Tonight we focus upon the bandit of the urban landscapes. One so stealthy, he is able to attack his target silently, and leave not a trace of who he is. Everyone knows who he is by reputation, but they do not have proof. Who is this master of the night? His name is Bob. And he’s currently doing just that in Mr. Andersons Hot Tub.

“Ah, this is the life. A nice warm bath, a 2 week old cake to snack on, and nobody around to chase me away this time. That pesky Mr. Anderson is away on vacation!”

Bob the raccoon lazed away on the warm water, for once not getting into trouble. How he got the heavy cover off the hot tub was anyones guess, but we’ll leave that up to the imagination, thus further confusing you the reader. The cake on his belly was soon only crumbs, and a brown smear around his muzzle. Licking said smear off, he rolled over onto his front, and blew bubbles into the clear water. Bob liked bubbles, and always wanted to keep some around. Though he had no idea how to go about doing so. Getting slightly cold floating on the surface of the water, bob decided it might be time to get out, and back to his warm den. As he attempted to scale up the slick sides of the tub, he bumped the control panel. The jets hummed to life, and scared the bejeezus out of poor Bob. Falling back into the warm water, he found that the jets soon warmed his bath right back up again. They also produced another side effect, lots and lots of bubbles. Bob was overjoyed! He had never seen so many bubbles in one place before! Trying to scoop them up in his crafty paws, he was soon thrown into dismay when he realized that he could not keep these bubbles either. The constant rumbling of the jets shook the sides of the hot tub, and knocked a few things loose in the process. One of which, was a gigantic bottle of soap. The thick liquid drained down into the water at a rapid pace, mixing with everything, and being churned up by the jets. When Bob looked around to see what splashed, he was stuck near dead with bliss! More bubbles! Big white frothy ones! And they were getting bigger too!

Bob tackled the small mound of soap suds with relish, and was amazed to see them cling to his fur. He was even more amazed to see the soap suds fill the whole waterline, and start to push upwards. Bob’s joy turned to concern as he had to exit the hot tub, so get away from the advancing suds. Brushing off the thick soap suds from his coat, Bob made a hasty retreat back to his den. The hot tub did not stop however. It was only when an neighbor had the power cut a few hours later that the advancing soap wall stopped. Mr. Andersons whole yard, and house were covered by the stuff.

Bob was happy, but sad at the same time. He had just found out how to make bubbles stay, but could not hang around long enough to think of how to recreate that little accident. Nor could he go back either. He remembered the bottle of pink liquid though, and set off on a trek to find more of it. Waddling his fat behind as he padded though the night, Bob had to make camp in a hollowed out tree when morning came. His nights and days went all the same for a good week as he traveled through the woods, when it hit him.

“If I found that stuff at a humans house, I betcha I’d find more of it in another humans house, and less in the forest. Duh.”

Thus he set out along the local river, heading east, and hoping to find some sign of humanity. He was not far off in his search, as soon a large imposing structure filled his vision with its awe inspiring visage. It had the markings of a research lab on it, though Bob could not read them. So, his ignorance was on his side, and in he went! Crawling through an access grate, he struggled to safely navigate his chubby form past wires, breakers, vents, and other thingies. With a soft plop, Bob deposited himself on cold cement flooring.

“Ok, what is this place? And where do they keep the bottles of bubbles?”

Nobody was around at the moment, so he decided it was all right to explore. Padding along silently, the bandit of the night stole his way through the cold dark room. A step ladder was present at one of the side shelves, so he helped himself up it. Walking along the shelves, he spotted many different bottles, of different sizes. He had no idea of knowing what was what, so the natural answer was to sample the contents of each beaker. His first pick was a urine sample, and this was quickly discarded onto the floor. The second was a pickled frog, and this disappeared down the ever hungry coons throat. Third on the snoop list, was a large drum of some sort. Which happened to be full of cleaning fluids. His first attempt to open the sealed drum failed, and his second caused the steel container to fall to the ground. The metal container made a dull thump as it stuck the concrete, and the lid exploded off. Caustic soap sprayed in every direction, melting some delicate plastics, and adding to the overall mess. The commotion inside the storage alerted some of the personnel outside, and one of them came running in. Spotting the horrid mess on the floor, he frowned with anger. He was the unlucky chap who’d have to clean this mess up! His gaze fell on Bob the raccoon, who was attempting to get off the shelf, but could not because of the caustic solution below.

The humans anger turned to concern for the animal, and he quickly walked over to scoop up the frightened raccoon. Bob did not know better, so he just stood stock still in the mans arms. Sighing, Joe the janitor carried the overweight raccoon down to the other end of the building. He entered a small room, that had large cages, and plopped Bob inside.

“There you go. I’m no so sure if this is the safest of places for an animal, but its safer than the chemical room. Besides, you’ll get fed here.”

Bob snapped out of his rigor-mortis only after the man was gone. He noticed quickly that he was locked up, and was also alone in the room. Feeling sad, and sorry for himself; He ate all the food in the dish, and went to sleep. During the raccoons 40 winks, another man in a white jacket entered the room, grabbed the cage, and wandered back to his lab room. Bob woke up inside another room this time, and it had a thick chemical smell. Other animals were there too. And they all looked sick. What he did not know was, that this place he was in was an animal testing lab. Some scary looking human approached his cage, and replaced the water bottle with a bottle of pink fluid. Bob ignored it for hours, until his thirst got the better of him. At first glance, Bob thought the pink liquid inside the bottle could be some bubble stuff! But after thumbing some onto the floor of his cage, it turned out to just be colored water. Or so he thought. Taking a sip, it proved to taste stagnant… yet passable. He let the sip stay in his stomach until he could be sure that it was safe. While he waited, he fell asleep again.

As Bob slept, a strange thing happened to him. You see, the contents of his water bottle was a new chemical formula, that was supposed to go into hair spray. The goal of this chemical, was to make a persons hair more elastic, and thus more prone to accepting nifty hair do’s. They wanted to make sure that ingesting the product would not be fatal. As bob slept, his whole body became stretchy. Not by much, but enough to notice should he trip over anything. Bob awoke again, feeling thirsty still. He did not notice his light rubberization, nor did any of the staff. They were all alarmed at the speed which Bob drained his bottle, and quickly took notes for any serious side effects. None were noticed, and the team slapped each other on the back for a job well done. Bob was feeling quite sick to his stomach however, but found no need to vomit.

Hours past, and the feeling did too. Bob was soon feeling great, and stood up for a good stretch. His head bonked the ceiling, and he let out a squeal!

“What the? How did I do that?”

Looking down at himself, he saw that he was very elongated. More than he was ever able to stretch out before. Alarmed, he relaxed, and snapped back to his normal self. This spooked the coon left right and center. He tried it again, and stretched so much, that he filled the whole cage with his rubbery body.

“Eek! That’s not supposed to happen! Somebody help! Lemme out!”

Hearing the chirping, and chuttering of the raccoon, one of the lab rats wandered over to see what the problem was. He saw the raccoon filling the cage, and quickly shouted for the others.

“What’s this? Has the test subject grown in size?"
“No, he’s bloated somehow!”
“No he’s not! He’s stretched out by the chemical!”

The three broke into an argument, and did not notice Bob reach a clawed finger outside the cage, and let himself out. Plopping to the ground with a sound not unlike a basketball, Bob quickly bolted for the exit. Making it out of the lab unscathed, he had to escape the security guards. Panic was rising in the raccoon, and that’s when his fate unraveled. As he gasped for air in terror, the guards stepped back. Curious, he gasped louder, and harder. He realized as the guards turned and ran, that they were afraid of him when he was gasping. Why he had no idea, but it worked. Walking his 8ft tall body down the hallway, he noticed something odd.

“Hmm, something feels wrong. Holy cow! I’m gigantic!”

Indeed, bob was. His gasping had inflated his stretchy body. He was still mobile on thick paws, but his torso was a giant balloon of stretched out raccoon. He was amazed at what he could now do, and suddenly had an idea.

“Wait! I’m a bubble now! I can keep myself! YAY!”

Grinning like an idiot, he started to inhale again. The coon continued to round out, still maintaining some mobility. Getting larger and larger around, Bob soon filled the whole hallway with his body. Then the strange stuff started happening, he expanded lengthwise, filling the whole complex with his massively stretchy body. When finally the kilometer of passageways were full of Bob, the building started to stain under the pressure. After a few moments longer, the roof exploded, and Bob snapped back into a 500’ wide sphere. Looking lost in bliss, the raccoon did not notice that he had flattened the complex, and scattered chemicals all over the forest. They defoliated the entire area, marking the birth of balloon Bob for a long time.

Releasing a savage wail, the whole countryside heard the cry of Bob. “moof” it rang..

The massive raccoon waddled back to his burrow in the city, only to find that not only did he no longer fit, but the mess in Mr. Andersons yard was still not cleaned up. Thinking for a long time, Bob managed to deflate back down small, and went to bed in his soft lair. Dreaming about being the biggest thing ever, he knew deep inside that nobody would ever push him around again. Not that they ever did mind you.

It was the next day that that Bob was pulled roughly from his warm bed, by a very angry Mr. Anderson. He was shook roughly, and yelled at.

“You bad raccoon! You ruined my yard! I know it was you!”

Bub just grinned, and started to gasp. Mr. Anderson thought he had scared the raccoon good, but then was holding a 20ft tall raccoon balloon in his arms.

“Moof! Stoopid human!”
“AHHHHHHH!”

It was said that Mr. Anderson checked himself into the crazy house the next day, and Bob got full use of the Hot Tub until the house was sold. Feeling the need for size, Bob decided to move away from the city, where he left himself blown up at 50’ around all the time. He ruled his little private forest, and everyone flocked to his side for protection. Life was good for Bob. And he knew it.

The end.