Tribute to a tub.

Dawn was rising over the suburban swell of a small arid community, revealing all the signs of society. Nearly identical houses lined up in perfect rows, family vehicles mixed with gas chugging SUV’s, un-emptied trash bins from the night before, and of course stray animals. Towards the end of 25th street, one house stood out from all the others. It was a little larger, and its fence was a foot higher than the other whitewashed examples of privacy. Everyone knew who lived there, but most of them didn’t really care. Oh sure they had all heard of people like him before, and had probably even seen the odd one before in their lives, but as yet it still wasn’t the most common site in the world. Standing at six and a half feet tall, the anthro turtle stood out in a crowd. Spiked wrist and ankle bands didn’t help the effect, nor did the spiked shell, or fiery crop of hair like spikes. Bowser had decided to retire here shortly after receiving yet another royalty payment for his use in so many video games. Not needing to work, he decided that getting a nice place in the suburbs would be preferable to some mansion somewhere in Hollywood. The human population around here seemed not to mind him being around, though anthropomorphic creatures still seemed to be a mystery to them all. Sure they had all been around for centuries, but they kept hidden and secluded. Hence werewolf sightings and the like.

“Morning bowser”

The large turtle looked to his right, then downwards about half a foot. It was Vern, the local mailman. Bowser smiled pleasantly, waving over the fence-line with a gigantic muscled up arm.

“Morning Vern. How’s live treating you?”
“I can’t complain.” Replied the mailman, handing Bowser a small stack of mail.
“Well that’s good to know. That old pit-bull down the street still causing you trouble?”


Vern actually smiled at that little crack, and looked down at his feet. Bowser leaned over the fence line somewhat, the wood creaking under his huge weight. What he saw was Vern’s new pair of Steel toed boots. The turtle smiled once more, knowing full well that the dog must have a very sore posterior by now.

“Well how about that. Maybe it will stop barking now too.” “Who knows Bowser. Oh, one last thing for yah.”


He handed over a simple looking package, wrapped in brown paper. Bowser took it up in his huge paws, and added it to the stack of stuff under one arm. Vern turned to leave, and waved his goodbyes.

“See yah later eh.” “Adios Vern.”


The usual morning routine of speaking with the mail person was something that Bowser found he liked quite a bit. It was simple, didn’t amount to very much of anything, but it was a solid constant connection to the outside world. He kept to himself most of the time aside from that, and occupied himself with personal upkeep. Walking back inside, he didn’t bother to lock the door behind him. It was a small little community, less than ten thousand lived here. Most of the population drove to the next town, which held the majority of the white collar jobs in the area. Padding upstairs, he flipped on the TV, and went to make some breakfast. A dozen scrambled eggs and half a pack of bacon were quickly frying up in his jumbo skillet, the smell of sharp cheddar accompanying the scallions and garlic. Plunking himself at the kitchen table, he began to sift through the mail.

“Hmm, bill, bill, junk, bill… junk, feed the children, clothe the children, bathe the children? … well they do smell funny.”

The process continued for a good while, the majority of the letters being disposed of unopened. All that was left was the unmarked package, to which he slashed open with a deft stroke of his index finger. To his surprise, it was a super sized box of chocolates, with a little letter inside. He unfolded the note to see what it said.

Dear Bowser,

Greetings from a fan! I have always admired your presence in the various video games you have graced, but only recently learned that you are indeed a real live being. Strange how the world works eh? Anyways, I decided to inform you that you have quite a large fan base here in eastern Canada, and this is a little token of our admiration. Enjoy it yah big lug! We know we will!

Sincerely,

Anonymous.

He finished with the note, and almost broke down laughing. He hadn’t received fan mail in years, and was surprised anyone was able to track him down here. Shrugging, he jumped up from the table to rescue his breakfast from the clutches of the stove. Unceremoniously dumping the contents onto a big plate, Bowser grabbed a large fork, and went to plunk himself down in front of the morning news. As the usual drone of semi-depressing world events flew by, the contents of his plate disappeared. Patting his slightly distended middle, he stood back up to go grab some coffee. On his way back with a full liter of the wonderful brew, the box of candy caught his eye. Shrugging, he figured at the worst it was free sweets.

“Bottoms up!”

An hour passed there, flicking between the odd cartoon, and science show. Every few minutes one of the candies found its way into his mouth, as did a slurp of coffee. From cordial cherry to coconut, the chocolates were to die for. It was somewhere between digimon and commercials that something seemed out of the ordinary. Looking to his side, Bowser realized that not only was his coffee cup empty, but so was the box! A soft blush warmed either side of his face, silently berating himself for letting go like that.

“Well that was stupid of me. Well, time to hit the gym!”

One of the turtle’s favorite things, was his self made personal gym. It contained all of those things you could ever want or see in a gym, on TV, et al. mounting the exercise bike, he began a leisurely 2 mile pedal. A remote to one side turned on a wall TV, revealing more semi-interesting news stories, between breaks of anime. After half an hour, he swapped the bike for the weights, and spent a full hour crunching every muscle he could think of. It was nearing lunchtime when he decided to give it a rest, flexing an extremely ripped right limb in the process. Wiping some sweat from his brow, Bowser made his way back upstairs for some lunch.

“That ought to burn away some calories.”

The turtle had become mildly obsessed with watching his weight, knowing of several others that had gotten fat after they retired from the world of fame and fortune. Not wanting to risk health problems, the gym was another of his little rituals. Looking down, he admired his own arms, and went to do the same with his six pack. This however was no-longer there. In place of his usual toned abs, a tiny rounding of a paunch was visible. Confused as hell, he poked at it and was rewarded with the spring of blubber.

“Well that’s odd. Must have been from all that chocolate. Oh well, the swelling will subside.”

Marching to the kitchen, he took one look in the fridge, then snatched up the phone to order Chinese. Scratching at his subtle paunch, he was still confused as to how a simple box of chocolates could have been converted into lard that fast. He didn’t really mind at all however, as he knew his exercise routine would get him fit and trim in no time. Lunch arrived within the hour, and he was surprised to have it delivered by a Siamese cat. The cat morph handed him two large grocery bags, and accepted the large tip with a smile and a nod. Bowser worked his way back upstairs to the living room, and eagerly began to dig into the chicken chow-mien, followed by several orders of egg rolls, and won-ton soup. These were followed by beef stir fry, egg fried rice, tai dop voy, shanghi noodles, chicken balls, etc. It was a full hour of gorging, the hungry turtle making sure he got every crumb. Belching softly, he tossed away the last Styrofoam container, and rested his paws on his middle. His eyes bulged out of their sockets the instant his hand touched his belly, and he looked down to see the swell. It was poking out a full foot, and had spread to either side of his shell covered frame. He relaxed quickly though, remembering that he had just eaten enough food for 10 people. Chuckling somewhat, he gave it a warm pat, and even a rub. It felt rather nice actually, so he shrugged the whole thing off.

The rest of his day was spent relaxing in his hot tub, going for a walk down the street, and ordering 5 pizzas for dinner. He realized that his appetite today was almost double of what it normally was, but strangely didn’t care. After dinner he lazed back in a chair to read, placing his elbows on his enlarged stomach. Looking down after a chapter, he could have sworn that it was getting bigger. He knew this couldn’t be however, as Chinese food and pizza didn’t increase ones weight in less than a day. Night fell soon enough, and he marked his place in the novel before bed. Wandering down the hallway, he flicked on the lights to his bedroom. A king sized bed greeted his presence, several pillows and blankets showing use from the night before. Climbing in, he made sure to lay on his now softer front, as his spikes would rip up the sheets. Raising up his large paws, two claps extinguished the lights, and let the night in.

The next day…

Light once more charged over the distant mountains to illuminate the valley below. A thin band of amber brilliance snuck through plastic blinds, and found its way right into the sleeping reptile’s right eye. Snorting loudly, Bowser blinked and awoke from his slumber. Yawning wide and loud, he laboriously hauled his hefty self to a sitting position. Upon reflection, he realized that he had been sleeping on his side. This in itself was strange, as he always slept belly down. Sliding off the bed, he wandered to his washroom, and cranked on the shower. A hot rain started falling from the multiple shower heads, filling the room with steam. Taking his arm and leg bands off, the jumbo sized turtle turned sideways to fit into the shower, just barely clearing the almost small doorway. The warm water was like a boon to his senses, dragging him back to full alertness as it washed away the nights grime. Filling a paw full of soap from a liquid dispenser, he took care to wash himself everywhere just as he had done every day since moving in. It was only when he began lathering up his chest that he noticed something was amiss. The shower door seemed smaller, he felt heavier, it took more effort to get off the bed, and now he had run out of soap before he was even half done. Blinking, he looked down at the swell that greeted his bugged out eyes.

“Holy shit!”

His girth had grown considerably throughout the night. Once flat and firm, his belly was now stretched out from one side of his shell to the other. Hanging down to his hips, it must have stuck out a full foot and a half. He resolved himself to be calm, quickly finishing up his shower and getting out. His towels didn’t fully wrap around his torso anymore, so increased was his girth. Grumbling to himself, he bent over to inspect the closet for his bathroom scale. It was a slightly larger model than what one would normally find, as his weight was over 400lbs when he last measured. Dusting off the display, he groaned and dropped the towel to the ground. Stepping on the thing, he heard it groan somewhat and begin to calculate his girth. The yelp and sound of a jaw dropping to the floor could be heard all the way down the block.

“Six hundred and twenty seven pounds?!?! What have I been eating?”

Dumbfounded by the rapid increase in his weight, he barely noticed the other change. Gone was his 6ft 6inch height, replaced by 6ft and 8 inches. Not only was he gaining weight, but height as well. His next task was clear. Skipping breakfast for now, he slapped back on his arm and leg bands, finding them more snug than usual. That being his only clothing, he began a laborious march down to his gym. The doorbell rang just as he was descending the stairs, and he almost jumped out of his shell. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this! Turning towards the door, he looked through the little spyglass to see who was calling. He noticed that he had to bend down farther than usual to do this, but didn’t make the connection. Vern was sitting outside with more letters, holding a mug of coffee. Sighing to himself, the big koopa knew he couldn’t break this routine. He slowly opened the door, looking down almost a full foot to see his friend.

“Morning Vern.” “uhh… morning Bowser.” Vern was looking strait at the rounded paunch that was nearly smacking him in the face. “Been eating well I see?”
“erf, I knew everyone would notice.”


Bowser put a paw over his eyes, looking down all of a sudden when the mailman actually wound up and poked him sharply in his newfound mass. He could barely suppress a chuckle at the simple, but hilarious gesture.

“Its just a little weight Bowser. One question though.. uhh.. how did you manage to put on that much so fast? You were slim as can be yesterday.” “I dunno Vern. It just happened.” “Well, allright then. Keep a watch on yourself. Maybe you’re sick or something.”

Vern didn’t have a clue about furs, scales, or any other kind of creature other than his own species.

“You got it. That mail for me?” “Yes it is. Here yah go! Talk to yah tomorrow pal.”


The two waved each other off, and Bowser tossed the stack of mail up the stairs on his way down to the gym. Mail could weight, he had to deal with this paunch of his. The next few hours passed in a blur of CNN and stomach crunches. From the bike to the bow flex, he did it all. Panting and heaving from the extra effort involved in hauling the fat around, he sat down on the leg machine to cool off. Looking down at his middle, it looked even larger than it had that morning. He must have been dreaming however, as his arms were never more ripped. Flexing in the mirror, he found the mixture of fat and muscle confusing to his sense of normality.

His stomach rumbled loudly all of a sudden, and the thought of breakfast overcame any other idea in his head. Marching upstairs, he snatched up the letters and pulled out a salad bowl. Dumping two whole boxes of honey nut cheerios into the thing, he added four liters of milk, grabbed a serving spoon, and wen’t to watch cartoons. Munching away steadily, he opened the first of the letters, chucking it over his shoulder if it was junk mail. Another three bills went over into the pile, while the trash hit the floor. There was what appeared to be another fan letter, again unmarked with no return address. Ripping the thing open, he scanned through it to see what it was about. It appeared to be from the same people that had sent him the chocolates.

Dear Bowser,

Hello again, its us, your fans from Canada. We’re writing again because we forgot to include something in our previous message. The chocolates we gave you are… shall we say… special? They contain a chemical that rapidly increases the weight of a subject over several days, depending on the amount of food they eat. We were hoping that you would try one or two of the candies, and like the result. What we forgot to say, is that you should never eat the entire box in one go. Several of our members have done this, and we have seen some strange results. Not to freak you out or anything, we just didn’t want to cause you any bodily harm.

Best Wishes.

Anonymous.

Bowser damn near shit his pants right there, minus the fact that he didn’t wear clothes. He glanced over his shoulder, seeing the empty box right where he had left it. Putting a paw on his distended middle, he also looked at the now empty bowl of cereal, and gulped loudly. So not only was he going to get fatter, but other unknown things could happen? What else could possibly go wrong?

“Ah damnit… I’m still hungry.”

Waddling back to the kitchen, he re-filled his bowl and decided to make the best of a bad situation. He could always stay indoors, and just await the progress of the chemical candies. Inhaling his second serving of breakfast in record time, he barely noticed the morning wane to afternoon. Only when the cartoons moved to boring programs about this and that did he check the time. Three hours had passed there just sitting idle, but he didn’t mind. A strange sort of comfort had spread across his whole body while he was just sitting there, so he decided to relish in it. Looking down at his belly, he gasped to see that it was much larger than before. His sides were straining against his shell, and actually poking up and over the lip. His belly had sloped down passed his hips, and was now halfway down to his knees. Staining to sit up, he waddled towards his bathroom once more, pausing to turn sideways in the hallway. It was then that he noticed everything looked a little smaller than it had before. He stopped at the utility closet, and got out a tape measure. Walking up to a random wall in his bathroom, he used a claw to etch a mark out for every inch over six feet, as he knew he was six foot six. Shell to the wall, he did his best to mark his approximate height on the makeshift chart. He was astounded to see his claw mark at six foot, nine inches.

“Wow… so I’m getting bigger too? I’m going to have a word with these so called fans…”

Stepping on the scale, he almost fell off at the numbers that greeted his stunned face. Seven hundred and eighty three pounds! He was one growing koopa alright. As he watched, the number increased to seven hundred and eighty five, then eighty six. Surprised yet curious, he stood there and watched for a full half hour as his weight climbed to a full eight hundred pounds. A loud gurgling noise snapped him out of his little mind nap, and he realized that it was lunchtime. Something snapped within his mind, and he suddenly accepted his newfound girth for what it was. It wasn’t bothering him any at the moment, and it was pleasantly warm around his front. Marching to the kitchen, he whipped up a huge meal of peanut butter sandwiches, left over chicken from a few nights passed, and just about every snack food he could find. If he was going to get bigger regardless, he might as well make for the best of it. The jumbo sized Koopa parked his swollen rump on a fair sized chair, and began to consume to his hearts content. Stuffing himself happily, a big grin settled onto his reptilian face. Belching, and patting his belly, he found that he was actually proud of himself. He didn’t know if it was a result of the chemical or not, but he was happy to be this large. Like he was missing out on something his entire life. Chuckling, the suddenly happy Bowser waddled heavily back to his scale, and leapt back on. He laughed giddily to himself, reading eight hundred and fifty one pounds. Rubbing his paws together, he scratched one fatty roll, and decided to have another shower. Looking to one side however, he saw his jumbo sized spa-bathtub. A grin spread across his face again, as he decided to indulge in another one of his hidden pleasures. Turning on the warm water, and the jets, he watched the six foot wide bath rapidly fill up to capacity. He bent over to get into the cupboards under the sink, finding it much harder than usual thanks to his increased weight. Pushing passed cleaning supplies, he got out a jumbo sized purple container. Opening it, the fresh smell of bubble soap greeted his nostrils, and he poured a good liter of the stuff into the churning waters. Foam rapidly started to build up, as he slipped into the hot lake. Groaning loudly, he found the feel of warm water on his newfound girth strangely pleasing. The rising level of bubbles were only adding to his enjoyment, so he wasn’t surprised when he unconsciously grabbed a hold of himself between the legs.

“ohh… this feels so damn good…”

Vern knocked on the door to Bowser’s house the next day, wondering why yet again his morning friend had abandoned his post at the fence. The door opened, he turned around to look square into a large rounded dome of stretched out hide. He had to look way up to meet his friends face, and gulped somewhat. The Koopa was much fatter than he was before, and a good half foot taller too. Stepping back slightly, he waved a slender hand.

“Uhh… hi?” “Vern! Good to see yah man!” Bowser was grinning so wide it was a surprise that his face hadn’t broke.
“Man you’re sounding chipper today. What’s going on with you? You’re huge!”


Vern was suddenly crushed against the big Koopa’s belly by one of his ripped arms. Yelping in surprise, he laughed a bit at his friend’s jovial attitude to the situation.

“Aye I know! Isn’t it great? I’ve never felt so happy in my entire life!” “Well good for you pal. I just thought I’d stop by and see how you were fairing. No mail for you today. See you again in the morning.”
“You bet! I’ll be awake in time!”


Bowser went back inside and shut the door behind him. His belly had grown passed his knees in the night, and he couldn’t be happier. Wandering upstairs, he picked up his scale, and took it with him to the gym. He found that while his weight was pleasing, it was getting harder to walk around. Setting the scale down, he settled in for plenty of leg exercises, ignoring the rest. No matter what he ate, it seemed his arms weren’t getting any less buff. Again, hours passed, and the weight just kept rolling on. He wiped some sweat off his brow once he got tired from using all the leg machines, and wandered over to the scale. So great was his bliss at reading the numbers, that he nearly feinted. One thousand, one hundred and seventy eight pounds! It just wasn’t stopping, and he didn’t mind one bit. He was fat and loving it, growing taller and enjoying it, his libido was increased, and his overall pleasure at life was too. Standing up against the wall, he made another scratch, and chuckled when he read a full seven feet. Placing a paw on either side of his huge girth, he looked in the mirror and got a laugh. His shell looked small compared to the rest of him, as it hadn’t been growing any. His ballooned out belly stuck out three feet in front of him, and pushed hard enough on either side as to swell up and over the shell.

“Damn, I’m one big Koopa.”

He ate like a horse for breakfast, then wen’t back to the gym until lunch. He was determined not to become immobile, as he enjoyed being able to walk around and do things. Moving was still becoming an issue, as his larger house wasn’t designed for things over 7ft tall. He had enough money, that he could always have the place re-modeled however. Storming back upstairs, he picked up the phone and ordered enough take out to feed a small army. He had noticed that his appetite was increasing along with his girth, so he assumed that his stomach had gotten larger too. The little Siamese cat delivered his food again, and seemed surprised at the increased size of his customer.

“Oh man, you need to way off the wice.” “It isn’t the rice my good delivery boy, it’s the chocolate.”


The cat drove away vowing never to eat sweets again.

************************************

Bowser once more awoke on his side, his gigantic girth having kept him from rolling over all night. Looking down, he noticed that as expected, he was much larger from the night before. Blissful as ever, he hauled his blubbery hide off to the washroom, and leapt on the scale. It groaned loudly at the abuse, but loyally started to tick off the nights gain. Bowser whistled low at what he saw, and gave his huge girth a warm squishy hug. His backside had expanded out from his shell, and was competing with his gigantic sides every step of the way. His stubby tail was like a balloon, so thick was it with lard. And of course, his paunch had drifted down past his knees, obscuring all but his feet from view. Patting his 4ft paunch lovingly, he read the numbers again for good measure. One thousand, Six hundred, and Thirty Two pounds! Every extra gram was a pleasure to the happily fat Koopa, and he flexed in the mirror. His arms and legs were ripped with muscles, allowing him to remain mobile with all this extra padding. Moving to his wall chart, he scratched another line, and measured out Seven feet, and 5 inches.

“Wow, man won’t Vern be surprised today!”

Crafty as always, he snuck outside as fast as he could, ducking his now gigantic frame under the fence line. This was humorous to see, as the fence was only five feet high. Peeking through the cracks, he awaited the mailman’s arrival with glee. Vern approached within minutes, carrying his letter bag as always. Just as he was about to open the gate, Bowser popped up, and smiled the widest smile possible. Vern leapt back a good foot, spooked by the sheer enormity of his once slim and much shorter friend.

“Holy shit Bowser! Look at you!” “I know! I just keep getting bigger and fatter. ^^ Isn’t it the greatest thing you’ve ever seen?”


Vern chuckled, happy that the big Koopa was pleased with himself. While he didn’t particularly like fat or anything, he could at least accept somebody else liking it.

“Well good to see you’re not under the weather or anything. You might want to see a doctor or something though. Just incase you don’t stop growing.”

Bowser only smiled, and waved as Vern kept walking down the street. The idea of indefinite growth and gaining actually appealed to him now, and he walked back inside to eat his fill. Marching upstairs to the kitchen, he filled multiple bowls with cereal, got out as much candy as he could find, chips, crackers, pop, juice, put on a pot of coffee, and went to gorge. His cheeks looked like that of a chipmunk as he stuffed himself as fast as he could go. Only when he accidentally choked on a chocolate bar did he decide to slow down and practice some restraint. It took a full hour to eat all he had prepared, and he rubbed at his tightly packed middle. Just touching his stuffed paunch made him want to have another bath… to work out the kinks. The idea stuck in his mind, he wen’t to fill the tub with soapy water, and fetched some snacks for the soak.

Slipping his gigantic girth into the warm water, he relaxed and let its soothing heat aid in a more rapid digestion. He washed himself up lazily, idly playing with himself as he went. Moaning at his own touch, he fetched up a paw full of sweets to continue eating. Since really getting into the swing of things, eating was pleasurable, being fat made him horny, and playing with himself made him hungry. It was a vicious circle, but he didn’t mind a bit. Hissing and groaning as he went off under the sea of suds, he cleaned off his paw so he could hold up a book. Reading with one hand, and filling his face with the other, the happy reptile basked in the afterglow, and happily fattened himself up. Hours passed in the soapy mess, the jets foaming up the water so much, that the suds had started to drip onto the floor. Bowser only looked up from his book to heat up the water, and check on the progress of his paunch. He looked over at the wall clock shortly after his big bowl of sweets ran out, and noticed that it was well into the afternoon. He blushed deeply, realizing that he had spent the better half of a day simply lazing around in soapy water.

He hauled himself out of the foamy mess, laughing when he noticed that the bubble level outside the tub was just as high as the stuff inside. Digging through the foamy mess, he found his scale, and waded through the lake to the door. Opening it up, he walked outside and sealed the foam in. It didn’t really matter to him, and the soap he tracked on the carpets didn’t harm them at all. Weighing in, he had to push his almost 5ft wide paunch out of the way to read the scale. He broke out laughing when he read the numbers, pleased but confused at it all. Exactly two thousand pounds, a full metric Ton. Scratching his sides, he wondered why it was so even. Wandering back into the bathroom, he flicked his claw across the wall, and stepped back to measure himself. Just in that day, he had grown another six inches. Now he was a full eight feet tall. His head just barely cleared the ceiling.

“Oh man, I’m one big turtle.”

He stepped back on the scale again, wanting to see if he would enlarge slowly like he did before. Not another pound arrived on his massive paunch this time however, and left him with only one thing in mind. The rapid gain must be over. In three short days, he grew a foot and a half, and put on Sixteen hundred pounds. Impressed with himself, he wandered towards the TV set. The empty chocolate box and the second letter were still there, so he decided to draft up a little thank you note. He knew that there was no return address, but he was sure that he could get it to his fans somehow.

Dear… Fat lovers,

I assume its you lot that sent me the box of… special chocolates. I have to admit, that I was a complete pig and ate the entire box within moments of opening the package. They were both tasty, and the effects were… well they were really impressive. Not to alarm you, but I really enjoy what they have done to me. I currently weigh in at a massive 2000 pounds, and have grown to be Eight feet tall. I wish to thank you all for this transformation, as I’ve never felt better in my life. Enclosed with this letter are some autographed pictures of myself. Enjoy them!

Ps, have any more of that chocolate?

Bowser searched for his Polaroid camera, and when he found it, he set the thing up on a nearby table. Grinning to himself, he posed in a manner to show off his bulk as much as possible. It was like a porno photo-shoot for just a second, and he collected all the pictures to label with his signature. A felt pen finished the job rapidly, and he sealed the whole package in a large envelope. Addressing it to a general audience, he put his return address in the proper place, and set it off to one side for the next day. The rest of his evening was spent eating more normally, as his appetite seemed to have curved off as well. When night finally arrived and the Koopa was ready for bed, he eagerly jumped on his huge mattress, which was almost two small to hold all of him up. Just as he was getting settled, he heard a loud creaking noise. Sitting up and looking around, he heard the creak once more. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, so he fell back down into slumber again. The creak returned even louder this time, and he sat up once again. Looking around with a mixed look of annoyance and paranoia, the bed suddenly shifted to one side. And with a loud pop, the entire frame collapsed under his awesome weight, leaving him laying in a huge dent created by his own bulk. Laughing and not caring, he cuddled up into the blankets, and awaited the dawn.

Vern was waiting for him the next morning, not wanting to be jumped by an even larger reptile. Bowser opened his door, and bent low at the waste to fit through. His tiny looking shell got caught mid way, so he turned around and tried going through sideways. Vern was laughing the entire time, and held out a steaming hot cup of coffee to the Koopa once he finally arrived at the other side of the fence.

“Still growing are yah Bowser?” “Not anymore Vern. Its stopped all on its own. I’m 8ft tall now, and I weigh a full ton.”
“Holy hell that’s a lot pal, here, have a drink.”


Bowser happily accepted the coffee, and smiled. He held up the letter in his other hand, and waved it for Vern to see.

“Can you do me a favor?” “Sure pal. Want me to mail that?”
“You could say that. The problem is, its going to the people who sent me that package the other day. They didn’t leave an return address though, but I’m sure its some sort of fat fur club in eastern Canada.”
“Hmm.. I’ll have to send this off that way, and have some letter carrier try to track them down. But sure, I’ll give it a go.”
“Thanks Vern. I owe them a return message.”


Vern nodded, and marched back down his route. He was still surprised at the massive reptiles increased size, but didn’t really care in the long run. Several weeks, and many failed attempts later, a marked up letter arrived at the home of a heavy set raccoon. He opened it up, seeing who it was from. Reading the letter rapidly, he beamed a huge grin at the result of their accidental gift. Dipping out the photos, he began drooling and nearly fell over. The phone lines that night were clogged with happy Canadians talking about their success, as were the scanners of those who managed to get their paws on a photo. Never were both parties happier.

Da end eh!