AP News 2

By Strega 
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 2001 - All rights reserved.

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AP News, Battle Creek, Michegan. In what is becoming a grimly familiar routine, police
investigators questioned Kelloggs spokesperson Tony the Tiger on the whereabouts of an

"I have no idea where Ms. Sparkling is". Tony told this reported in a police-monitored
interview. "I was with her for dinner Sunday night, but then she…left." The cartoon tiger
paused, rubbing one blunt fang. "She was flighty that way; I think she was planning on moving on anyway."

This marked the seventh time in the tiger's 50-year career that an associate has gone
missing. All of them have been young, attractive women drawn to the TV-commercial star. Kelloggs spokesperson Norman Heilflig denied rumors that the company paid the women for 'services rendered'.

"Tony is a popular character, even though he is a cartoon. He's the only tiger-man, if you want to call him that, in the world, and we get all sorts of calls from people who want to meet him." The representative was noncommittal as to why Tony was only ever seen in the company of young blond women. "With all the calls we get, Tony can be selective as to who he hangs out with."

The company representative denied reports that Tony had missed a commercial taping on Monday morning due to the police questioning. "Tony called and said he was feeling under the weather, had an upset stomach or something. We filmed on Tuesday instead, no

Tony has since been released from custody, and a police representative was vague as to
whether any charges were pending. "A search of Tony's home was made, and while
certain…articles of clothing belonging to Ms. Sparkling were found in his quarters, it's to be remembered that she was his house-guest at the time. We found no evidence whatsoever of foul play, and no trace of the missing woman."

"This is just silly," purred the tiger. "This happens every few years, someone I have visiting leaves unexpectedly and fingers are pointed. I won't be filing a lawsuit - yes, you can print that. The men and women of our police department are just doing their job. But honestly, it's worth a laugh."

He lost a bit of his smile when he was related an anecdote heard at a bar he frequents. A
local worker - who refused to identify himself - stated that Tony had laughed Wednesday that 'She swallowed me, and then I swallowed her.'

The Kelloggs spokesperson bristled a bit. "Honestly, this is going a bit far. Must you pry into my private life? I liked Barbara - she was fun to have around. In fact, I'd have to say that she was great."