It didn't matter. I wasn't watching the show. There was only one thing on my mind.

The warmth. The soft skin. The gentle, reassuring weight against my back, his legs tucked behind mine. It felt like he was all around me.

It was still early days. Such was the whirlwind of that first night where we had discovered our feelings for each other, Rexar and I had decided that we should take things slowly. Not to rush, not to intensify our relationship too soon. For now, we were simply beginning to embrace our newfound closeness, letting ourselves become more intimate with each other. Becoming partners.

To begin with, I had been nervous. I wouldn't say I had been having second thoughts. No. Much as I still felt some slight anxiety, even disbelief, that we were crossing this line together, I could think of no-one better to be experiencing it with. It was more the thought of being in a relationship for the first time. What to do, what to say, what was expected of me, where we would be going next...

But Rex knew how I felt. He knew this was a new experience for me. He hadn't pressured me. I think taking things slowly must have suited him too, after everything he had gone through with Carl. Amid my uncertainty, I sensed him guiding us, steering our romance through its infancy. And the more time I spent with him, the more I felt blessed by his patience, his understanding. It was exactly how I had always imagined he would be.

And so there we were, snuggled on the couch together, illuminated only by the shifting glow of the TV. It had been dark for hours, yet neither of us had thought to switch on a lamp. We didn't want to move. We didn't need to. We just stayed there, watching the hours drift by from our bubble on the couch, huddled together in the twilight of the living room.

Shifting slightly on the chair, I nestled my cheek into the crook of Rex's arm, feeling his thick muscles on either side. I wrapped my hands around his forearm, resting my head on it like a big red pillow as I squinted at the bright screen. As I lay there, I could feel Rex stroking my arm softly with his thumb. He continued for a while, perhaps not even realising he was doing it.

Enjoying the warmth of the moment, I heard myself let out a little squeak of contentment. As soon as I did, I felt him looking down as if to check on me.

"You okay, babes?" he whispered.

I nodded. Chuckling, he gave me a little kiss on the top of my head. It was so sweet, so tender, it sent a tingle quivering down my spine.

Wriggling deeper into his embrace, I felt him resting his other arm on my back. Then with the tip of one of his claws, he gently scritched the fur on the back of my neck. Another tingle rushed through my body. Such gentle, soothing affection - it was wonderful.

And just at that moment, it dawned on me. This was it. This was what I had always wanted.

I thought back to the times I had looked upon Rex from across the room, thinking about him. How I had watched him sitting with Carl on this couch. The times I had sat in solitude in the next room listening to them cuddling together, wondering, imagining what it would feel like to be that close and intimate with him. And now here we were, on the very same couch. Only this time, it was our moment. Our night.

Closing my eyes, I felt myself beginning to drift off to sleep. The sound of the TV became a haze of indistinct murmurs, the familiar lines floating in and out of my consciousness as my mind retreated into the quiet pocket of warmth and shadow in Rex's arms. As he rested his chin on my head, I could feel him surrounding me. Watching over me. Keeping me safe.

I knew it for sure now. At last. He was mine.

Rexar's head drew back. His eyes widened.

"Er...." he murmured. "A-Are you... I mean, are you saying... what I think you're saying?"

I nodded nervously.

He paused, rubbing the back of his neck. He was clearly shocked.

"L-let... let me just... get this absolutely straight in my head," he stammered, "cos I-I, I don't wanna misunderstand you here, I need to be completely sure...

...are you saying... like, you... you've got a crush on me?"

I closed my eyes. Almost cringing. Hearing him say it almost heightened the absurdity of what I was doing.

But it was too late. I took yet another deep breath. There was no going back now.

"I... I... I think I'm... falling in love with you... Rex."

Silence.

Rex stood back. His mouth hung halfway open. Stunned.

As I felt those words slip from my lips, my heart raced. Almost a panic. As if a rush of adrenalin had carried them out with rash, foolhardy abandon, to the total horror of my self-control.

Looking at his face, knowing the meaning had registered with him, all those thoughts I'd had about telling him flashed in my mind. It didn't feel real. In those fantasies, I could always rely upon the safety of starting again. And it was as if I could have done the same, right now.

But no. I couldn't. Seeing him standing there speechless in front of me, the sobering weight of reality fell upon me. The worst thought. I could not determine whether I'd just ruined our precious friendship.

"Mike. you're... are you... you're serious?"

I nodded. Ever so timid. Almost apologetic. My anxiety was growing. I don't think he was taking it well.

He looked all around. "Er..." he puffed. "H... h-how... how long have you... felt like this?"

I dipped my head. I was scared now. My hesitancy was drawing me into a ball. A lump was swelling in my throat. I didn't even feel like I could reply.

"A...a long time... Rex," I whispered, my lip starting to tremble again. "Pr... p-probably... probably most of the time I've been living here."

He paused again. Then he turned away, brushing his hand over his face, letting out a deep sigh.

I couldn't imagine what was going through his head. What had I done. This was the last thing he needed on his mind right now, on the eve of a potentially huge moment for his career.

He still had his back turned to me. This was not what I had hoped for. I felt frightened. Guilty.

"I'm... I'm sorry, Rex."

He turned to me again. "Whoa... for, for what?"

As I shut my eyes again, I felt a tear squeeze out. "I'm sorry... I... I shouldn't have told you this now, should I... this isn't what you needed right now..."

"Whoa-whoa-whoa," he interrupted, stepping back towards me. "Don't say that, pup. Don't... don't say that. Don't think that."

I dropped my head. The tear ran down my cheek. My lip was shaking badly now.

Suddenly I felt his hand on my shoulder. It almost made me jump.

"Hey," he whispered, sliding his arm round my back. "Come... come in here, pup. Come on, come and sit down."

He gently lead me out of the hallway. My eyes started to brim, another drop rushing down my face. I could feel my breaths sharpening into sobs. I couldn't hide it any more.

Rex sat me down on the couch, then he sat next to me. The tears were flooding out of me now. It was like a huge release, all those pent-up worries, building up to this moment for so long. So many nights. So many weeks. So many months.

He took my hand, placing it gently between his own. He curled up my fingers into the shell of his big palms, giving the slightest squeeze. His hands were warm, smooth, strong.

My chest was still tight, my every breath punctuated with short, tearful gasps. But as I felt him sitting over me, starting to stroke his thumb softly over my knuckles, I began to feel it. That care. That warmth. Everything I had imagined about him, desired in him. Even amid my anxiety, the tumult of my thoughts, it was soothing. Reassuring.

He gave me a moment to calm. Still watching over me, tenderly rubbing his thumb over my hand, dipping into the lines between my fingers. My body started to unclench.

"You okay?" he asked.

I sniffled, glancing up at him briefly to acknowledge him. My head felt heavy.

"Here, Mike," he whispered. "Why... why don't you just... tell me about it. Just tell me everything. Just... get it off your chest, pup. All right?"

I sniffled again. I could feel his head dipped above mine, concerned, watching over me. As I sat there, I felt humbled. In the middle of everything that was going on in his life, he was now sitting here with me, taking time to hear me, devoting his attention to me. Right there, I remembered why I loved him so much.

I took a moment to compose myself. Here goes...

I had no idea what time it was. Two, maybe three in the morning. We must have talked for hours. The time just seemed to float by. I could feel his hand stroking my arm, calming me, soothing me. Amid the silence, feeling so exhausted by my outpouring of emotion, I could easily have fallen asleep right there beside him.

Yet even as we huddled together, I felt troubled. He hadn't said anything. I still didn't know what he was thinking. Joyed as I was to learn he had felt something for me, he still felt distant. Guarded. In truth, I just wasn't sure he really wanted to be with me.

Perhaps I was seeing something that wasn't there. Perhaps, in having never had a friend so good to me, in experiencing a closeness with him such as I had never felt before, I had grown too attached. Too wrapped up in fantasy of what might be. Perhaps this whole thing had just been a mistake.

The night drew on. I thought about Rex's plans for tomorrow. He was meant to be catching an early flight out. He should have been in bed long ago. In my heart, I hoped he was ignoring the time, dismissing it, for me. But maybe he was just torn. Either way, I knew I had made things so difficult for him. And I was annoyed at myself for it.

I closed my eyes. Just feeling his presence around me. Savouring it. If only there were more time...

"Mike?"

I froze. Rex had been silent for a long time. I stayed perfectly still.

"...what?"

I held my breath. Waiting on his reply. With anticipation. With dread.

He took a moment. Squeezing my hand again.

"I... I'm... I'm gonna call the club in the morning, pup. I'm... I-I'm gonna turn down the deal. I...

...I'm not going."

My whole body stopped. Everything. Silent.

As I heard his words, a tide started to surge through me. Excitement. Relief. Disbelief.

And guilt.

Tempering my delight, I could not help but wonder. And worry. Had I done the right thing? Had I opened his eyes to a chance for love? Or had I just robbed him of his dream? Snuffed out a shot at greatness?

"Oh Rex..." I whimpered. "I... I haven't... please tell me I'm not... holding you back...?"

He rubbed my arm. Clutching me tight. "No. No, Mike, You're not. You're not."

I trembled. I looked up at him. "I mean, y-you don't... you don't have to do this for me, Rex..."

"No, pup. It's all right," he said. "I've thought. And I've made up my mind. There'll be other chances for me. Right here... and right now... I can't leave you. Right now, you... you mean more to me. So, so much more... I want to stay here. With you."

I lowered my head. My chest tightened once more. I felt like I was going to cry again. But it was different this time. There was no uncertainty. No anxiety. It was a feeling of overwhelming relief. Of joy.

"Are... are you really, really sure, Rex?"

He ran his soft fingertip against the fur of my chin. Then, with the lightest touch, he tilted my head back. Lifting my lips towards his.

My heart skipped. My skin tingled. I held my breath. I closed my eyes. He brought his head forward. With one last pause, we drew our lips together...

It was all right now. No more hurt. No more fear. Everything was going to be okay.

Rex was packing. It was late, and he was flying out for talks tomorrow morning. The deadline was coming up, so the deal had to be completed within the next couple of days. Everything was moving so fast.

I stood in the hallway, watching him trying to get his stuff together for the trip. "So er... what's... what's actually gonna happen tomorrow?"

"What?" he shouted. He was busy clattering inside his wardrobe looking for everything he needed to take with him.

"I said what's... what's happening tomorrow, what have you actually got to do?"

"Err..." he grunted, thumping his case onto the base. "Well... the club's still gotta go through some of the finer stuff on the deal, but I don't think that's gonna be an issue... and I've still gotta talk a few things over with my agent... erm... then there's the medical... and er... wha- ugh, where the hell's that gone? I was sure it was in here..."

He was still hunting for his things. I felt like I was distracting him. I was probably just getting in the way.

"You're er... you're definitely gonna do it, then?" I said anxiously.

"Well it's a great opportunity," he said, still rattling through the drawers. "I mean, it's... I've always dreamt about playing abroad and... it's not the kinda chance you say no to, y'know?"

I sighed. I'd somewhat hoped that somehow he didn't want to go through with it, or that there'd be some stumbling block in the negotiations and they'd have to call off the deal. But it didn't look that way.

"So, er... d'you think... you're gonna move away, like... for good?"

"Agh... I dunno yet, Mike," he said, heaving his bag into the hallway. "I've gotta play well enough to get a longer deal first. I-I'm just... trying to concentrate on the here and now, y'know what I mean?"

I did. Admittedly it was only a temporary switch for now - the new club would be putting Rex up in a hotel for the time being, and he had no intentions of selling the house. He had even kindly offered to let me carry on living here while he was away, though I knew I still needed to find my own place.

Yet even though Rex's future wasn't certain yet, I could feel the tide of events taking him away from me. If he wanted to secure a permanent move, he would still need to impress his new coaches enough to earn a long-term contract. But this was Rexar. He was a top class player, and an honest, hard-working professional. He was good enough. Of course he would impress them.

I guess I just needed to accept it. I'd finally gotten a new job nearby in the city. Rex was taking a big new step in his career. The whole business with Carl was months ago now, and I still hadn't plucked up the courage to say anything. Maybe it was time for both of us to move on with our lives - I just wished we didn't have to be apart to do it.

"Er... and is there... I-I presume there's not, like, any way I could... come with you?"

Rex stopped. "Huh?"

"There's... like, I can't... I can't come with you... can I?"

He frowned. "Er... well no, I... I wouldn't think so," he said, puzzled. "The club's only catering for me... and besides, why would you want to? Y'know, your life's here, you've got your new job now, you're settled..."

He was right. Of course I couldn't come with him. It probably wasn't even possible. Must've sounded like a really stupid question.

"No, no, I know..." I muttered. "It's... sorry, just... ignore me."

Rex dipped his head towards me, curious.

"Mike? What... what's going on?"

"What? No, nothing," I said, turning away. "It's nothing."

"Seriously, pup, is there... is something wrong?"

Should I say anything? I thought for a moment. But then I decided against it.

"...no, Rex. No. Nothing's wrong."

He stepped closer to me again. "Hey, come on now, I know you," he said. "It's not nothing, clearly. Come on, what is it?"

I gazed at the ceiling, gritting my teeth. I had to say something now.

"Ugh... I hate myself for saying this."

Rex looked concerned. "For saying what, Mike?"

What was I doing. What was I thinking. Here Rex was on the brink of what could be a major moment in his career, something he'd dreamt of doing. And here I was about to hold him back. All I could think about was what I wanted him to do. How could I be so selfish. If I really cared about him, I shouldn't get in his way.

But then... what if he did know how I felt? Would he stay if he knew? Was there any chance, no matter how tiny, that he might have some feelings for me too? Could I really let him go without saying a word about how much I wanted him to stay?

The thoughts whirled in my head. Yet as he stood there waiting for my reply, I knew what my heart wanted me to do - deep down, I would hate myself forever if I didn't find out.

I held my breath. Then I turned around, and looked up into his eyes.

"Rex... I... I don't want you to go."

Rex put his bag down. He stared at me, surprised.

"What?"

"I don't... I don't want you to leave."

"Whoa... heh! Hey, where's this come from?" he said with a chuckle. "Hey, come on, pup. It's... it's not like I'm disappearing off the planet, y'know?"

"I know," I croaked. "B-but..."

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I... I'll miss you too," he continued. "I will. But... we'll still be friends. I'm always on the end of the phone, I'll still come back when I can. Hell, who knows, they might decide I suck and they won't wanna keep me on! And besides, like I've said, you can still stay here while..."

"No, no..." I interrupted, shaking my head. "It's not... oh, it's not just that, Rex..."

"Wh... well what? What is it?"

I turned my head away again. I could feel my lip quivering. My eyes were starting to well up. I closed them tightly for a moment, trying to hold the tears back.

This was it. I was going to have to say it. If I didn't do it now, I might just lose him for good.

"Okay, I... th-this..." I stuttered, my voice wavering. "This is... probably going to sound... so, so crazy, but... I really, really have to say it, cos it's eating me up..."

"Well that's okay," he said, "you know you can tell me anything."

"But... seriously, Rex, this... this is really important, so, p-please, don't... don't freak out. I-I... I just really need you to bear with me... okay?"

Rex leant back a little. "All right," he replied cautiously. "Go on."

I took a deep breath in. Then out again. I glanced around awkwardly.

"I... it's like... okay, I..."

I stopped. I sighed. This was ridiculous. So many times I'd thought about telling Rex how I felt about him, imagining that moment, what I would say. But now that task was looming upon me, I found myself completely void of any way to express myself.

"I... w-well, what I, this... ugh... sorry, Rex, I'm just..."

"Hey," he said softly. "It's all right. Just... take your time."

I looked up at him. Hearing him reassure me like that helped a little. It reminded me of why I was doing this. I took another deep breath, just thinking about how on earth I was going to tell him...

Suddenly I remembered something. Something Rex had told me a while ago. Something that might just help me explain how I felt. I had to go with it.

"Rex..." I started. "D'you remember when you told me... there was that time when you were in high school, you had a girlfriend, you were going through some tough times. And... there was that wolf guy on your school team that really helped you through a lot of it... and you found out he was gay?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"And... d'you remember, you told me that... even though you had a girlfriend, it was the first time you seriously started to question yourself because... you were getting these really strong feelings for that guy, like, he made you feel so much safer and sure of yourself. And you just... you couldn't stop thinking about him?"

Rex paused. Curious. I don't know if he knew what I was getting at or not. Even if he thought he did, he probably wouldn't have believed it.

"Yeah, I... I remember..."

I sighed. "Well, that... that's just it," I said. "I've got the same problem."

"Wh... in what way, pup?"

I puffed. I was shivering. I gazed straight into his eyes. It was now or never.

"Rex... I can't stop thinking...

...about you."

I stood there for a moment. My heart was thumping in my chest. I started running over everything in my head: The key was still in my hand, the door had definitely been locked. Maybe they had come in round the back. Maybe they had smashed a window. Maybe they were still in there, lurking around the corner.

My instincts were pushing me to run back out of the door. Any step closer to the next room made me fear encountering the intruder in the act. But then I remembered: Rexar's car was out the front. He must be here. Unless he had walked out?...

Suddenly there was a grunt. I jumped. It sounded like it came from the front room. As I thought about it for a moment, it sounded like Rex. Maybe he was in there after all. Cautiously tip-toeing my way around the mess in the hallway, I crept towards the lounge door.

Slowly, I peered in. There was Rex, sitting on the couch. My heartbeat eased a little.

"...Rex?"

He turned, startled. Raising his hand over his face, he quickly turned away again.

I stopped. My eyes took a second to realise what they had just seen. Rex's face was wet. His eyes looked raw and hurt. He had been crying.

For a moment, I was taken aback. I'd never seen him like that before. I had known Rex for years, but I had never seen him look so vulnerable. He had always been so strong and confident, yet in that instant, he looked broken.

I walked round to the front of the couch. Rex kept his head down. I wasn't sure if he wanted me there, but I had to know what was going on.

"Rex? Wh... what's happened? What's wrong?"

He was silent, keeping his head down. Then a sniffle. A deep sigh.

"It's Carl..." he croaked. "Him and me... It's over."

I stood back. I was stunned. I didn't know what to think. In my head, a terrible, shameful part of me had hoped to hear those words one day. But as I looked at Rex, I knew this was not what I had wanted. I would never have wished him to feel this upset.

"Oh Rex..." I sighed. "I'm... I'm so sorry."

He stayed there, keeping his head down. Motionless.

"...What ...what happened?" I asked tentatively.

He grunted. "Ugh... let me put it this way," he said. "He likes his other boyfriend more."

My jaw dropped. I realised what he meant. I couldn't believe it.

"Oh Rex, no... he wasn't...?"

He nodded.

I slowly sat down on the floor in front of him. He kept his gaze down, his eyes red, still brimming with tears.

"Are you sure? I mean... what did... how did you find out?" I stuttered.

"He admitted it," grumbled Rex. "He had to. I found things at his place. Didn't take much to figure it out."

I turned away. I wasn't sure whether to pry any more. He was clearly hurting.

"H... how long?" I asked nervously.

"Months," he said. "Probably half the time we've been going out. Longer, maybe... Some flash prick called Felipe. And he knew what was going on, he knew me and Carl were going out - didn't seem to bother him. Didn't burn his conscience at all. Didn't bother either of them, they were happy just carrying it on behind my back."

He snorted, rubbing his snout against his arm. I leant over and handed him a tissue from the box on the table. He took it weakly, dabbing under his eyes before he started to tell me more. More about Felipe, more about Carl, more about what he had said to him and all the things he had done for him. I didn't know what to say - I just sat and listened.

He dropped back in the chair, brushing his hands up over his face before letting out another exhausted sigh.

"And you wanna hear the kicker?" he snarled. "I asked Carl why the hell he was even bothering with me then - if this dick was so much better than me, if they were so much damn happier with each other. And y'know what he said?..."

He glanced at me, gritting his teeth. I could hear the bitterness, the hurt in his voice.

"Cos I was such a 'kind, generous person'..." he scoffed. "Yeah - in other words, I was the one he could get stuff from."

I puffed, exasperated. I knew what he was feeling. Rex had earned enough money and become pretty well known through his career, and I knew one of his biggest fears was for someone to end up using him for it. And now his own boyfriend had lived up to that fear.

"I don't know," he sighed, sniffling again, the anger in his voice fading into uncertainty. "I... I don't know where I must be falling short, y'know."

"What?" I said, surprised.

"I dunno, Mike. I don't get it. I just don't get what I must be doing wrong..."

"Whoa, hey - you're not doing anything wrong," I interrupted. "Rex, you are not doing anything wrong."

"Well I just don't get it. I don't know what more I was supposed to do."

"Nothing," I cried. "Nothing, Rex. You didn't do anything wrong - this is not your fault. Trust me, it's not. I-I..."

My jaw clenched. I actually felt angry. I'd never liked Carl. But as much as I disliked him, I never thought he'd be capable of doing something like this. To treat Rexar in this way, to leave him in this mess... I was furious. I wasn't sure whether I should say what I felt. But seeing Rex reduced to this state, feeling so unsure of himself, I felt compelled to let him know what I thought. To slay his self-doubt.

"Rex..." I started. "Can... can I be really honest with you?"

He sat still for a moment, cautiously lifting his gaze to me. "Go on..."

I looked in his eyes. I still didn't know whether I should say anything. Maybe he was too fragile, maybe he would think I was insulting him in some way. But in that instant, I could see a fear in his eyes. A fear as if he had become so doubtful of himself that he was now anxious about whether my honesty might be scathing of him. That was enough.

"Rex... I think Carl's a jerk."

He stared at me. He looked uneasy.

"I... I don't like him," I continued. "I never did. I never liked him."

"How come?"

I took a deep breath. I'd said it now. I might as well tell him everything.

"Because... I thought he was arrogant. I thought he was selfish. I mean, he never used to meet you halfway on anything. I'd see it - any time you guys wanted to do something, it always had to be on his terms, y'know? And he... he always treated me like I was in the way."

Rex turned. His eyes widened. "What?"

"Carl... didn't like the fact that I was living with you, Rex," I said. "He didn't want me here. He was always asking me how much longer I was going to be staying here, why I hadn't found somewhere else to live, whether I was going out anywhere if you guys were spending the night in. I dunno if he was just being paranoid or if he didn't like having anybody else around, or if he just genuinely didn't like me. But... that's what he was like towards me."

Rex looked down. He shook his head and snorted. I think he felt guilty.

"Ugh... Mike, I'm... I'm sorry, I had no idea."

"No, it's all right, Rex," I said. "Don't apologise. It wasn't your fault."

He sat quiet for a minute. I was hoping I hadn't said too much.

"...I am so stupid," he muttered.

"What?"

"I just... I dunno. I should've realised. I should've figured it out sooner. The way he kept changing plans... kept disappearing off to make phone calls... never wanted us to stay at his place... Stupid. I should've known."

"No no no. You're not stupid, Rex," I said firmly. "You're not stupid. There's nothing stupid about putting your trust in someone who's supposed to care about you, y'know? Besides, you are a good guy. A great guy. If Carl is too dumb or too shallow to see that, forget him."

I got up off the floor and stood over him. "Listen - I know you, Rex," I said. "You're the best friend I have ever had, the best friend I could ever ask for. You're kind, you're understanding, you're compassionate. You've done so much for me over the years. And honestly, I-I can't... I can't see what anybody could ever want, that you couldn't give them. You just... you deserve so, so much better. You really, really do."

There was a silence. Rex sniffled again. Then slowly, he turned his head to look up at me.

"...you... you mean that, Mike?"

I looked into his eyes. "Seriously, Rex. You've... you've no idea how much I look up to you."

He fell silent again. He dipped his head and swallowed, as if trying to choke down a lump in his throat.

"Wow," he uttered. "That's... one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me, Mike."

"Well, I... I didn't.. say it to be nice, Rex. I said it because... in every way that I can see... it's the truth."

He dabbed his face with the tissue again. Then he glanced up at me and smiled.

"You're a good friend, Mike," he said. "Sorry, I must've scared the hell out of you with all that mess out there. I... went a bit nuts. I'll clean it up, don't worry."

I chuckled. "No, it's all right, I understand."

He nodded. "Thank you, pup... Kinda makes me wish there was a guy out there I could go out with that would see me in the same way you do."

I smiled. "There will be," I said. "One day, you will meet a guy who will love you and appreciate you. There's someone out there for you."

"Yeah?" he chuckled. "Well I dunno... I'd really like to know who."

And there it was. A window.

I stood there for a moment. Say it. Just say it: 'Me'. Just tell him. Don't miss another chance. Just say it. Now.

My heart started to pound. I felt my lip trembling. I felt the word trying to creep up to my mouth, then stumbling back, then climbing towards my lips again. But every time it got close, the thought of what I was about to say made it lodge in my throat. And as my pulse raced, the fear reached up and dragged it back down.

The silence was growing. It was getting long. Too long now.

Who was I kidding. This wasn't the time. The poor guy had just suffered heartbreak, he was too vulnerable right now. The last thing he could cope with would be his supposedly straight friend suddenly confusing him with some intense outpouring of emotion.

My heart slowed. The word fell away into my core. He looked up at me, as if waiting for some response.

I sighed. Another day, I thought. Another day.

"There's someone out there, Rex," I said. "I'm sure of it."

I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop. This was their time. As far as they knew, I'd gone to bed ages ago. But I guess I just needed to know if I was right about Rex. I needed to know if he was really like I had imagined. And the longer I sat there, the more I realised he was.

I could hear him there, whispering in Carl's ear. Most of the words were mere blurs, lost in the bubble of their intimacy. But every one sounded so soft. His voice was so calming, so soothing. Every now and then, I heard the quiet brush of his tender caress, a soft purr, a gentle kiss. Closing my eyes for an instant, I could almost feel him.

It wouldn't have bothered me so much if I liked Carl. But I didn't.

I didn't know what Rex saw in him. I thought he was arrogant. I thought he was self-centred. And he always made me feel like I was in the way. Rex had tried so hard to be fair to both of us, to let me carry on staying with him while I looked for a new place. But whenever Carl came over, it was like I needed to be locked away, like I was some unwanted intruder in their relationship.

I knew it was awkward. I probably should have found somewhere by now and gotten out of their hair. Rex probably wanted his privacy anyway - no doubt it would have made their relationship easier for him without having to work around me all the time.

But then I would think to myself: why should I be made to feel in the way? Why should my friendship with Rex be overruled by this guy? Sometimes, I felt like going up to Carl and saying "don't treat me like this. You've only known Rex for three months. I've known him for two years and he's been kind enough to let me stay here. How dare you. How dare you make me feel like I don't belong here."

I knew I'd never say it though. I didn't want to argue with him. That wouldn't be fair to Rex either. The balance was delicate enough without me upsetting the status quo.

No. Sitting there, resting my head against the wall, I knew the truth. It wasn't Carl I was annoyed at. It was myself.

Why hadn't I said anything? Why hadn't I just told Rex how I felt after I moved in? If only I'd just been a bit braver, if only I'd just had the courage to seize the moment. It could've been me out there, feeling that warmth, that tenderness, that protection. Not sitting in here in the dark listening to them, wondering what might have been.

I don't know. It probably wouldn't have happened anyway. As far as Rex was concerned, I was a straight guy who he could call his friend. He'd probably never thought about me in that way for an instant. Besides, even if he did know how I felt, I probably wasn't in his league. Carl was an athlete, a proper, muscular, good-looking wolf. I was just a shy, goofy little spaniel. I wasn't the sort of person a guy like Rex would go out with.

I could still hear them, cuddling each other. There had been other nights like this. I'd be lying there in bed, seeing the glow of the light under my door, knowing they were sitting out there late into the night. Then I'd hear them moving into Rex's room and the slit under the door would go black. I don't know if they ever took things further - right now, I didn't want to know.

That was it. I'd hurt myself too long sitting there thinking about it. Very slowly, I pushed my door closed, trying hard not to make a sound. I didn't want them to know I was still up, listening in on them like that.

The warm glow of the sitting room thinned away and the darkness swarmed in, broken only by the cold blue light of the moon through the open curtains. Creeping over to the bed and sliding quietly under the cover, I turned away from the slit of light still slipping under my door. I wasn't going to watch it go out this time.

There was no use feeling sorry for myself. There was nothing I could do, nothing I could say. The reality was simple.

I guess I had missed my chance.

I don't know why I was even thinking about it. It was just a dream. But it had felt so real. I could remember how safe I felt, how right it felt, how excited I felt. To be like that with him, to have him being that intimate with me, being that gentle with me. I just couldn't get that idea out of my head. The more I looked at him, the more I wanted to know whether he could be like that in real life... and the more I felt sure that he would.

He'd always been so great to me. He'd always helped me out, he'd always made me feel better about myself. And now he'd given me a safe and comfortable place to stay when I had nowhere else to go. Whenever he was around, I just felt like I didn't need to worry. Seeing him there, lying around in his back garden, just chilling out and reading his book - even though he wasn't even trying, he was like this presence of security, of support, of protection. No matter what might happen at that moment, even if I was really frightened, it would be okay as long as he was there. And I yearned for him to be closer.

But it wasn't just that. Looking at him now, it was as if he was no longer just my friend. It was like I was seeing him for the animal he was. Strong, powerful, athletic. I'd seen his body before, watching him playing football on TV, swapping shirts at the end of the match and showing off his physique. But it was so different seeing him in front of me like that, seeing the sheer size of his frame, the full depth of his curves and muscles. I was only just realising how incredible he looked.

And it made the feeling more intense. I felt like I had protection from someone so strong, so confident. And knowing that he was a dinosaur too - this species, so much more ancient than my own, that primal, prehistoric power still living on within him, feeling that he could still release it when he wished - it made him seem so much more impressive to me. The fact that he was male didn't seem to deter me anymore - in fact, there was something about his masculine strength that I found so reassuring.

I could feel the excitement surging inside me as my eyes traced his form. Everything about him was so perfect - his big arms, his powerful legs, his thick, strong chest rising and falling softly with the slow, relaxed rhythm of his lungs. The vibrant, warm colour of his skin, his smooth, moist scales glistening in the light, rippling gently over his finely toned muscles. Even the way he gently lifted his toes, tipping his sandal to let the air cool the soft orange skin of his feet. I just couldn't stop admiring him...

Suddenly I realised he wasn't looking at his book anymore. He was looking at me. I turned my head away quickly. How long had he been looking? Had he seen me gazing at him like that? Had he seen me turn away quickly like that? He must have noticed something...

"Hey - everything okay, pup?" he said. "You got something on your mind?"

Oh Rex. If only you knew.