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Standard poses and profile artwork featuring Rexar. Entries appear first by type then in reverse chronological order.

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2015
Snapshots - Reciprocation
29/12/2015
Episode 09 - Reciprocation

REXAR: Damn, Rex. That's one hell of a cute puppy you've found yourself there.

I couldn't help it. Every time I looked at Mike, I felt like I could just grab him and squeeze him. He had this adorable innocence about him. Those bright little blue eyes, those big floppy ears, that soft golden fur shining in the sunlight... He was just so cute.
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I kept glancing over at him while I made my drink. I dunno why. I just liked looking at him. Watching him sitting there, perched up on the kitchen stool, just flicking through stuff on his phone while he sipped his tea. Mike really liked his tea. I was never that keen on it myself, I'd always been more of a coffee guy. But I'd always make him his cup of tea in the morning, ready for when he got up. Always made me smile. Little Mikey and his tea. Silly little thing, I know, but it was one of those things that made him Mike.

It was funny. I'd been with a few guys down the years, but I had never been in a relationship like this before. I don't think I'd ever felt so relaxed with someone, so at ease. Maybe it was because we were already friends before we got together, but I didn't feel like I had to keep up any kind of front around Mike. I didn't feel under pressure to make any grand efforts to impress him, even though I still kinda wanted to. But we already knew each other, we already liked each other - and I felt like I could just be myself.

That was one of the things I loved most about Mike. He was so accepting, completely non-judgmental. Never imposing himself on anyone. And he'd never do anything to make you feel bad. I think he'd been hurt by some people in the past, putting him down, making fun of him. I guess he'd taken so much of it before that he would never want anybody else to go through the same thing. He'd always want to make you feel better, and he always made me feel better. Just so, so sweet. I really loved him for it.

I watched him a little longer, just sitting quietly reading through something on his phone. He did that a lot. Looking things up, learning things. In many ways, he was so different from anyone else I'd been with. He was quieter, more reserved, more thoughtful. Smarter, too - Mike was probably one of the smartest guys I'd ever known. I admired him a lot for that. He'd often talk about really clever stuff, trying to show me things, teach me things, expand my mind... even though I didn't always get it.

I'll admit, there was a small part of me that worried about that. I wondered whether I was just a bit... I dunno... dumb for him. I couldn't help thinking sometimes that he'd probably get on better with someone who could talk properly about that stuff with him, really understand it and get into it. I tried my best, and I did find a lot of it interesting, but sometimes, it was just kinda over my head. Not that he'd ever say it though. He'd never make me feel bad about it. Knowing Mike, I knew he probably wouldn't judge me for it, and he never made out like it bothered him. Just my own paranoia, I guess...

I think that was one of the reasons why Mike was so good for me right now. He was exactly the kind of partner I needed after everything that happened with Carl. I mean, that whole deal really hurt me. All the things I'd achieved in my life, my football career, the money I'd got, lots of people telling me how much they loved watching me play and all that... Doesn't count for much when you come home to find your boyfriend's been cheating on you and doesn't really give a crap about you. Didn't matter how many fans I'd got. They didn't know me. The one person who was meant to know me best, and apparently I wasn't 'good enough' for him... Damn, that whole thing just made me feel so worthless. So used. It just made me doubt whether anyone really cared about me. Y'know, the real me.

But Mike was amazing. The way he picked me up, the way he stuck up for me and made me feel like I mattered. And not because of what I'd achieved or what I could do or what I could give people. He made me feel like I was special. Not the footballer Rexar. Not the famous Rexar when I put on a front for everyone else. Me. He made me feel special. Just for who I am. And that meant so, so much to me.

I think that was when I really started to look at him differently. Not that I ever thought I'd have a chance to be with him, but I just felt so much love for him right there and then. He'd always been a good friend to me. Loyal. Reliable. Someone I knew wouldn't hurt me or let me down. When he told me how he felt about me, it was like a door being opened, leading me somewhere safe, somewhere familiar.

Even so, I'd been wary to begin with. I wasn't absolutely sure it would be right to cross that line with him. I sensed even Mike still had some uncertainty, being with someone for the first time, truly exploring his sexuality for the first time. We were still taking things slowly, and I guess that suited us both - even though I couldn't deny I was getting eager to start getting more physical with him. Man, I wanted to. I did. I wanted Mike to feel how I felt about him, to feel how much I loved him. One day, I was gonna rock that little doggy's world...

But no, I wasn't going to rush anything. Not considering what was at stake. Here was a chance to nurture a really meaningful relationship, so much stronger than any I had ever had before. The sort of relationship that, after the pain I went through with Carl, I wasn't sure I would ever be able to find. And I don't think I would have done with anyone else. I'd have found it hard to really trust anyone enough again. In all honesty, if it had been anybody other than Mike coming to me like that, I would have been far more reluctant to go for it.

But this was Mike. Little Mikey. My best friend. Just the sweetest, nicest, kindest guy I knew. Looking at him there, warming himself in the sun, just tapping away on his phone, taking little sips of his tea, gently rocking back and forth on the stool... I couldn't explain it, but I just loved every single little thing about him.

Suddenly he looked up from his phone and over towards me. His gaze caught me off guard. I tried to turn my head away, but then a goofy grin swept over my face and my eyes checked back for his reaction. He was smiling at me.

"You okay, Rex?" he asked sweetly.

I took a moment. Just enjoying being in his company, looking at his friendly smile - and thinking about what a lucky guy I truly was.

"Y'know what, babes?" I replied, "I don't think I've ever been better."

The ninth picture in the 'Snapshots' series, a collection of images and short stories depicting the relationship between Rexar and Mike.



2014
Snapshots - Couch
04/09/2014
Snapshots - Couch

MIKE: In the whole wide world, there was no place I would rather be.

We'd probably seen this episode a hundred times before. And the one before it. I could already hear all the next lines in my head as the scene narrowed to a blurred slit of flickering shapes between my drooping eyelids. I would probably be asleep before the first commercial break.
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It didn't matter. I wasn't watching the show. There was only one thing on my mind.

The warmth. The soft skin. The gentle, reassuring weight against my back, his legs tucked behind mine. It felt like he was all around me.

It was still early days. Such was the whirlwind of that first night where we had discovered our feelings for each other, Rexar and I had decided that we should take things slowly. Not to rush, not to intensify our relationship too soon. For now, we were simply beginning to embrace our newfound closeness, letting ourselves become more intimate with each other. Becoming partners.

To begin with, I had been nervous. I wouldn't say I had been having second thoughts. No. Much as I still felt some slight anxiety, even disbelief, that we were crossing this line together, I could think of no-one better to be experiencing it with. It was more the thought of being in a relationship for the first time. What to do, what to say, what was expected of me, where we would be going next...

But Rex knew how I felt. He knew this was a new experience for me. He hadn't pressured me. I think taking things slowly must have suited him too, after everything he had gone through with Carl. Amid my uncertainty, I sensed him guiding us, steering our romance through its infancy. And the more time I spent with him, the more I felt blessed by his patience, his understanding. It was exactly how I had always imagined he would be.

And so there we were, snuggled on the couch together, illuminated only by the shifting glow of the TV. It had been dark for hours, yet neither of us had thought to switch on a lamp. We didn't want to move. We didn't need to. We just stayed there, watching the hours drift by from our bubble on the couch, huddled together in the twilight of the living room.

Shifting slightly on the chair, I nestled my cheek into the crook of Rex's arm, feeling his thick muscles on either side. I wrapped my hands around his forearm, resting my head on it like a big red pillow as I squinted at the bright screen. As I lay there, I could feel Rex stroking my arm softly with his thumb. He continued for a while, perhaps not even realising he was doing it.

Enjoying the warmth of the moment, I heard myself let out a little squeak of contentment. As soon as I did, I felt him looking down as if to check on me.

"You okay, babes?" he whispered.

I nodded. Chuckling, he gave me a little kiss on the top of my head. It was so sweet, so tender, it sent a tingle quivering down my spine.

Wriggling deeper into his embrace, I felt him resting his other arm on my back. Then with the tip of one of his claws, he gently scritched the fur on the back of my neck. Another tingle rushed through my body. Such gentle, soothing affection - it was wonderful.

And just at that moment, it dawned on me. This was it. This was what I had always wanted.

I thought back to the times I had looked upon Rex from across the room, thinking about him. How I had watched him sitting with Carl on this couch. The times I had sat in solitude in the next room listening to them cuddling together, wondering, imagining what it would feel like to be that close and intimate with him. And now here we were, on the very same couch. Only this time, it was our moment. Our night.

Closing my eyes, I felt myself beginning to drift off to sleep. The sound of the TV became a haze of indistinct murmurs, the familiar lines floating in and out of my consciousness as my mind retreated into the quiet pocket of warmth and shadow in Rex's arms. As he rested his chin on my head, I could feel him surrounding me. Watching over me. Keeping me safe.

I knew it for sure now. At last. He was mine.

The seventh picture in the 'Snapshots' series, a collection of images and short stories depicting the relationship between Rexar and Mike.


Snapshots - Revelations, Pt.II
14/02/2014
Snapshots - Revelations, Pt.II

MIKE: I puffed. I was shivering. I gazed straight into his eyes. It was now or never.

"Rex... I can't stop thinking... about you."
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Rexar's head drew back. His eyes widened.

"Er...." he murmured. "A-Are you... I mean, are you saying... what I think you're saying?"

I nodded nervously.

He paused, rubbing the back of his neck. He was clearly shocked.

"L-let... let me just... get this absolutely straight in my head," he stammered, "cos I-I, I don't wanna misunderstand you here, I need to be completely sure...

...are you saying... like, you... you've got a crush on me?"

I closed my eyes. Almost cringing. Hearing him say it almost heightened the absurdity of what I was doing.

But it was too late. I took yet another deep breath. There was no going back now.

"I... I... I think I'm... falling in love with you... Rex."

Silence.

Rex stood back. His mouth hung halfway open. Stunned.

As I felt those words slip from my lips, my heart raced. Almost a panic. As if a rush of adrenalin had carried them out with rash, foolhardy abandon, to the total horror of my self-control.

Looking at his face, knowing the meaning had registered with him, all those thoughts I'd had about telling him flashed in my mind. It didn't feel real. In those fantasies, I could always rely upon the safety of starting again. And it was as if I could have done the same, right now.

But no. I couldn't. Seeing him standing there speechless in front of me, the sobering weight of reality fell upon me. The worst thought. I could not determine whether I'd just ruined our precious friendship.

"Mike. you're... are you... you're serious?"

I nodded. Ever so timid. Almost apologetic. My anxiety was growing. I don't think he was taking it well.

He looked all around. "Er..." he puffed. "H... h-how... how long have you... felt like this?"

I dipped my head. I was scared now. My hesitancy was drawing me into a ball. A lump was swelling in my throat. I didn't even feel like I could reply.

"A...a long time... Rex," I whispered, my lip starting to tremble again. "Pr... p-probably... probably most of the time I've been living here."

He paused again. Then he turned away, brushing his hand over his face, letting out a deep sigh.

I couldn't imagine what was going through his head. What had I done. This was the last thing he needed on his mind right now, on the eve of a potentially huge moment for his career.

He still had his back turned to me. This was not what I had hoped for. I felt frightened. Guilty.

"I'm... I'm sorry, Rex."

He turned to me again. "Whoa... for, for what?"

As I shut my eyes again, I felt a tear squeeze out. "I'm sorry... I... I shouldn't have told you this now, should I... this isn't what you needed right now..."

"Whoa-whoa-whoa," he interrupted, stepping back towards me. "Don't say that, pup. Don't... don't say that. Don't think that."

I dropped my head. The tear ran down my cheek. My lip was shaking badly now.

Suddenly I felt his hand on my shoulder. It almost made me jump.

"Hey," he whispered, sliding his arm round my back. "Come... come in here, pup. Come on, come and sit down."

He gently lead me out of the hallway. My eyes started to brim, another drop rushing down my face. I could feel my breaths sharpening into sobs. I couldn't hide it any more.

Rex sat me down on the couch, then he sat next to me. The tears were flooding out of me now. It was like a huge release, all those pent-up worries, building up to this moment for so long. So many nights. So many weeks. So many months.

He took my hand, placing it gently between his own. He curled up my fingers into the shell of his big palms, giving the slightest squeeze. His hands were warm, smooth, strong.

My chest was still tight, my every breath punctuated with short, tearful gasps. But as I felt him sitting over me, starting to stroke his thumb softly over my knuckles, I began to feel it. That care. That warmth. Everything I had imagined about him, desired in him. Even amid my anxiety, the tumult of my thoughts, it was soothing. Reassuring.

He gave me a moment to calm. Still watching over me, tenderly rubbing his thumb over my hand, dipping into the lines between my fingers. My body started to unclench.

"You okay?" he asked.

I sniffled, glancing up at him briefly to acknowledge him. My head felt heavy.

"Here, Mike," he whispered. "Why... why don't you just... tell me about it. Just tell me everything. Just... get it off your chest, pup. All right?"

I sniffled again. I could feel his head dipped above mine, concerned, watching over me. As I sat there, I felt humbled. In the middle of everything that was going on in his life, he was now sitting here with me, taking time to hear me, devoting his attention to me. Right there, I remembered why I loved him so much.

I took a moment to compose myself. Here goes...


REXAR: We talked. For ages.

I held his hand. I listened to him. He told me so many things. How he had been quietly admiring me from afar. How he had been so grateful for everything I had done to support him, and how his feelings for me had grown through it all. How he had watched me and Carl together, and how hurt he was to see me mistreated. He even told me about dreams he had been having, about me taking him in my arms, showing him affection, intimacy, perhaps even more.

At first I was cautious. Mike was a dear friend of mine. But I knew he had never experienced feelings like this before. Indeed, I knew he hadn't had many true friendships in his lifetime. As I thought about what he was saying, I couldn't help worrying that I might have confused him. That he had never been cared for in this way, that maybe he was interpreting it too strongly. Maybe even that I had gotten too close.

For him to question himself so much, so suddenly, about me... perhaps he just didn't know what he was thinking. And the last thing I wanted to do was to take advantage of him.

But the more I listened to him, the more it dawned on me. These were things Carl had never said to me. Hell, most of them were things none of my previous boyfriends had said to me. But they were things I had always hoped, in my heart, that I deserved to be told. And I realised how much it meant to me to hear them. Especially from someone who I knew was so genuine, so honest.

He fell quiet for a moment. His tears had stopped.

"B-but... I don't... I don't want to put you under any pressure, Rex," he muttered. "I mean, it... it's not like... y... y-you... you don't have to... feel the same way about me..."

His eyes stayed down, avoiding mine. I heard hope draining from his voice. It actually hurt me. To see him, this quiet, shy friend of mine, pouring his little heart out in a way I know he had never done before... I had to admire him. I knew, from my own experience. It must have been so, so tough for him.

I took one of my hands from the top of his, slowly sliding it around his back, then curling it onto his shoulder.

"Hey," I whispered. "Sshh. Listen, pup..."

He looked up at me cautiously. I gently stroked my thumb over his shoulder.

"Listen..." I started, very carefully. "You... you're my best friend. You are. If you had any doubt about it, pup, you are. And, I... I like to make out that I'm the most supportive, generous friend I could be to anyone... but... hell, pup, the-the things I've done for you, I... I wouldn't have done half of it for anybody else. Ever. Y'know?... I mean, I... you're almost... I almost see you like... the little brother I never had."

He looked astonished. "R... r-really?"

I nodded. "And, Mike..."

I took a long breath. I wasn't sure whether to say what I was thinking. But fearing that he was going to withdraw into his uncertainty, I felt I needed to tell him.

"If... if I were to sit here, and tell you... that I'd never had... thoughts... about you too... I... I would be lying. Because the truth is... well... I have."

He stared at me. I could see his bottom lip just starting to quiver again. I could see the light in his little blue eyes. Clearly, that was something he had really wanted - needed - to hear.

"But... well..." I said, "the thing is, as far as I was concerned... you were straight... and I respected that. I... y'know, I couldn't... I couldn't let myself have those thoughts. Because, well, you were... off limits. You know. You were my best friend. So I couldn't. That... that was that."

He sniffled. He took a moment, shifting his little hand in mine.

"And er..." he said weakly. "W-what... wh... what about now?"

I stopped. I could see him. Looking up deep into my soul. Wanting, needing to know.

I gulped. There were so many thoughts going through my head. There he was, this guy - this lovely, sweet guy - that I had known for so long. But had denied myself, disciplined myself, to not look upon in that way. Now, he had opened his heart, and he wanted an answer.

Yet even through all he had said, I was wary. Did he really know if this was what he wanted? Was he really sure he could feel that way about another male, about me? Or would he end up worrying, panicking, changing his mind? Regretting it? Was he really, truly prepared... to cross that line with me?

I sighed deeply. Oh, I so, so didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want him to think I didn't care for him. But it felt like everything had happened so fast tonight. Regardless of my feelings for him, I did not want to take advantage of him if he was not 100% certain of himself.

"I... agh, I'm not... I-I'm just not sure, right now, Mike," I whispered. "It's... it's not.. that I can't, I-I just... it's a lot to take on board..."

His head dropped. My heart sank. I was scared. Please, please don't let him think I'm rejecting him...

I squeezed his hand tightly. I heard him sniffle again. Gently, I took my other hand and drew him towards me.

"Hey..." I said softly. "Come here. Come on, pup."

He was hesitant. I very slowly leant him in, letting his head rest on my shoulder. Then I calmly stroked his arm. I could feel his little body shivering. He must have felt so drained.

"...Rex?" he croaked.

"Ssshhh... it's all right," I whispered. "Just relax. Don't say anything..."

I could hear his breath tightening again. I didn't want him to cry any more. My mind swirled. Perhaps my caution was hurting him. More than any misplaced affection could. Certain of himself or not, there was no doubt he had a lot of deep feelings for me. Maybe I just needed to drop my guard.

For an instant, I remembered what I had been preparing myself to do tomorrow morning. It had been so important to me, so consuming of my mind and energy. Yet right now, clutching this tired, timid little doggy in my arms... it was as if tomorrow - the rest of the world - did not even exist.

I held him, and pondered. It was time to make my mind up.


MIKE: The night ticked on. We sat there quietly, him gently holding me to his side. The two of us, resting in the dim glow of one lamp in the corner.

I had no idea what time it was. Two, maybe three in the morning. We must have talked for hours. The time just seemed to float by. I could feel his hand stroking my arm, calming me, soothing me. Amid the silence, feeling so exhausted by my outpouring of emotion, I could easily have fallen asleep right there beside him.

Yet even as we huddled together, I felt troubled. He hadn't said anything. I still didn't know what he was thinking. Joyed as I was to learn he had felt something for me, he still felt distant. Guarded. In truth, I just wasn't sure he really wanted to be with me.

Perhaps I was seeing something that wasn't there. Perhaps, in having never had a friend so good to me, in experiencing a closeness with him such as I had never felt before, I had grown too attached. Too wrapped up in fantasy of what might be. Perhaps this whole thing had just been a mistake.

The night drew on. I thought about Rex's plans for tomorrow. He was meant to be catching an early flight out. He should have been in bed long ago. In my heart, I hoped he was ignoring the time, dismissing it, for me. But maybe he was just torn. Either way, I knew I had made things so difficult for him. And I was annoyed at myself for it.

I closed my eyes. Just feeling his presence around me. Savouring it. If only there were more time...

"Mike?"

I froze. Rex had been silent for a long time. I stayed perfectly still.

"...what?"

I held my breath. Waiting on his reply. With anticipation. With dread.

He took a moment. Squeezing my hand again.

"I... I'm... I'm gonna call the club in the morning, pup. I'm... I-I'm gonna turn down the deal. I...

...I'm not going."

My whole body stopped. Everything. Silent.

As I heard his words, a tide started to surge through me. Excitement. Relief. Disbelief.

And guilt.

Tempering my delight, I could not help but wonder. And worry. Had I done the right thing? Had I opened his eyes to a chance for love? Or had I just robbed him of his dream? Snuffed out a shot at greatness?

"Oh Rex..." I whimpered. "I... I haven't... please tell me I'm not... holding you back...?"

He rubbed my arm. Clutching me tight. "No. No, Mike, You're not. You're not."

I trembled. I looked up at him. "I mean, y-you don't... you don't have to do this for me, Rex..."

"No, pup. It's all right," he said. "I've thought. And I've made up my mind. There'll be other chances for me. Right here... and right now... I can't leave you. Right now, you... you mean more to me. So, so much more... I want to stay here. With you."

I lowered my head. My chest tightened once more. I felt like I was going to cry again. But it was different this time. There was no uncertainty. No anxiety. It was a feeling of overwhelming relief. Of joy.

"Are... are you really, really sure, Rex?"


REXAR: I slipped my arm from behind Mike's back. I turned, shifting myself onto the edge of the couch. Leaning on the side, I knelt on the seat. Then I lowered my head, and looked deep into his eyes.

"As long as you are, Mike..." I whispered.

He gazed back at me. His sweet, innocent little eyes twinkled with the glow of the lamp. Attentive. Hanging on my every word, my every move.

And there it was. I could see the longing, the love in his heart. He truly wanted me. And I wanted him to know that I felt the same for him.

Cautiously, I raised my hand. Very slowly, I touched the back of my finger against his cheek. Then I lifted it up to the top of his head, delicately running it back through his soft, golden fringe. His breath quivered. A hint of a smile played across his lips.

Keeping my eyes locked on his, I brought my hand back down. And then as softly as possible, I placed my finger under his chin. I checked again, looking into his eyes. Making sure, watching for any sign of hesitation. Any sign of anxiety. I didn't want to go too fast for him.

But his gaze never wavered. It was as though he was willing me forward. He was right all along. He knew what he wanted.


MIKE: My heart pounded. My eyes stayed fixed on his. Watching. Waiting.

He ran his soft fingertip against the fur of my chin. Then, with the lightest touch, he tilted my head back. Lifting my lips towards his.

My heart skipped. My skin tingled. I held my breath. I closed my eyes. He brought his head forward. With one last pause, we drew our lips together...

It was all right now. No more hurt. No more fear. Everything was going to be okay.

The sixth picture in the 'Snapshots' series, a collection of images and short stories depicting the relationship between Rexar and Mike. As the first to show the two characters expressing their love for one another, I thought it would be fun to produce this piece in time for Valentine's Day.


Snapshots - Revelations, Pt.I
10/02/2014
Snapshots - Revelations, Pt.I

MIKE: Things were changing. I didn't know what to do.

Rexar's football club had received an offer. A big foreign team wanted to take him on. Only on a short-term transfer at first, but it could lead to a permanent move. There was no doubt about it - it was a huge opportunity for his career.
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Rex was packing. It was late, and he was flying out for talks tomorrow morning. The deadline was coming up, so the deal had to be completed within the next couple of days. Everything was moving so fast.

I stood in the hallway, watching him trying to get his stuff together for the trip. "So er... what's... what's actually gonna happen tomorrow?"

"What?" he shouted. He was busy clattering inside his wardrobe looking for everything he needed to take with him.

"I said what's... what's happening tomorrow, what have you actually got to do?"

"Err..." he grunted, thumping his case onto the base. "Well... the club's still gotta go through some of the finer stuff on the deal, but I don't think that's gonna be an issue... and I've still gotta talk a few things over with my agent... erm... then there's the medical... and er... wha- ugh, where the hell's that gone? I was sure it was in here..."

He was still hunting for his things. I felt like I was distracting him. I was probably just getting in the way.

"You're er... you're definitely gonna do it, then?" I said anxiously.

"Well it's a great opportunity," he said, still rattling through the drawers. "I mean, it's... I've always dreamt about playing abroad and... it's not the kinda chance you say no to, y'know?"

I sighed. I'd somewhat hoped that somehow he didn't want to go through with it, or that there'd be some stumbling block in the negotiations and they'd have to call off the deal. But it didn't look that way.

"So, er... d'you think... you're gonna move away, like... for good?"

"Agh... I dunno yet, Mike," he said, heaving his bag into the hallway. "I've gotta play well enough to get a longer deal first. I-I'm just... trying to concentrate on the here and now, y'know what I mean?"

I did. Admittedly it was only a temporary switch for now - the new club would be putting Rex up in a hotel for the time being, and he had no intentions of selling the house. He had even kindly offered to let me carry on living here while he was away, though I knew I still needed to find my own place.

Yet even though Rex's future wasn't certain yet, I could feel the tide of events taking him away from me. If he wanted to secure a permanent move, he would still need to impress his new coaches enough to earn a long-term contract. But this was Rexar. He was a top class player, and an honest, hard-working professional. He was good enough. Of course he would impress them.

I guess I just needed to accept it. I'd finally gotten a new job nearby in the city. Rex was taking a big new step in his career. The whole business with Carl was months ago now, and I still hadn't plucked up the courage to say anything. Maybe it was time for both of us to move on with our lives - I just wished we didn't have to be apart to do it.

"Er... and is there... I-I presume there's not, like, any way I could... come with you?"

Rex stopped. "Huh?"

"There's... like, I can't... I can't come with you... can I?"

He frowned. "Er... well no, I... I wouldn't think so," he said, puzzled. "The club's only catering for me... and besides, why would you want to? Y'know, your life's here, you've got your new job now, you're settled..."

He was right. Of course I couldn't come with him. It probably wasn't even possible. Must've sounded like a really stupid question.

"No, no, I know..." I muttered. "It's... sorry, just... ignore me."

Rex dipped his head towards me, curious.

"Mike? What... what's going on?"

"What? No, nothing," I said, turning away. "It's nothing."

"Seriously, pup, is there... is something wrong?"

Should I say anything? I thought for a moment. But then I decided against it.

"...no, Rex. No. Nothing's wrong."

He stepped closer to me again. "Hey, come on now, I know you," he said. "It's not nothing, clearly. Come on, what is it?"

I gazed at the ceiling, gritting my teeth. I had to say something now.

"Ugh... I hate myself for saying this."

Rex looked concerned. "For saying what, Mike?"

What was I doing. What was I thinking. Here Rex was on the brink of what could be a major moment in his career, something he'd dreamt of doing. And here I was about to hold him back. All I could think about was what I wanted him to do. How could I be so selfish. If I really cared about him, I shouldn't get in his way.

But then... what if he did know how I felt? Would he stay if he knew? Was there any chance, no matter how tiny, that he might have some feelings for me too? Could I really let him go without saying a word about how much I wanted him to stay?

The thoughts whirled in my head. Yet as he stood there waiting for my reply, I knew what my heart wanted me to do - deep down, I would hate myself forever if I didn't find out.

I held my breath. Then I turned around, and looked up into his eyes.

"Rex... I... I don't want you to go."

Rex put his bag down. He stared at me, surprised.

"What?"

"I don't... I don't want you to leave."

"Whoa... heh! Hey, where's this come from?" he said with a chuckle. "Hey, come on, pup. It's... it's not like I'm disappearing off the planet, y'know?"

"I know," I croaked. "B-but..."

"I mean, don't get me wrong, I... I'll miss you too," he continued. "I will. But... we'll still be friends. I'm always on the end of the phone, I'll still come back when I can. Hell, who knows, they might decide I suck and they won't wanna keep me on! And besides, like I've said, you can still stay here while..."

"No, no..." I interrupted, shaking my head. "It's not... oh, it's not just that, Rex..."

"Wh... well what? What is it?"

I turned my head away again. I could feel my lip quivering. My eyes were starting to well up. I closed them tightly for a moment, trying to hold the tears back.

This was it. I was going to have to say it. If I didn't do it now, I might just lose him for good.

"Okay, I... th-this..." I stuttered, my voice wavering. "This is... probably going to sound... so, so crazy, but... I really, really have to say it, cos it's eating me up..."

"Well that's okay," he said, "you know you can tell me anything."

"But... seriously, Rex, this... this is really important, so, p-please, don't... don't freak out. I-I... I just really need you to bear with me... okay?"

Rex leant back a little. "All right," he replied cautiously. "Go on."

I took a deep breath in. Then out again. I glanced around awkwardly.

"I... it's like... okay, I..."

I stopped. I sighed. This was ridiculous. So many times I'd thought about telling Rex how I felt about him, imagining that moment, what I would say. But now that task was looming upon me, I found myself completely void of any way to express myself.

"I... w-well, what I, this... ugh... sorry, Rex, I'm just..."

"Hey," he said softly. "It's all right. Just... take your time."

I looked up at him. Hearing him reassure me like that helped a little. It reminded me of why I was doing this. I took another deep breath, just thinking about how on earth I was going to tell him...

Suddenly I remembered something. Something Rex had told me a while ago. Something that might just help me explain how I felt. I had to go with it.

"Rex..." I started. "D'you remember when you told me... there was that time when you were in high school, you had a girlfriend, you were going through some tough times. And... there was that wolf guy on your school team that really helped you through a lot of it... and you found out he was gay?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"And... d'you remember, you told me that... even though you had a girlfriend, it was the first time you seriously started to question yourself because... you were getting these really strong feelings for that guy, like, he made you feel so much safer and sure of yourself. And you just... you couldn't stop thinking about him?"

Rex paused. Curious. I don't know if he knew what I was getting at or not. Even if he thought he did, he probably wouldn't have believed it.

"Yeah, I... I remember..."

I sighed. "Well, that... that's just it," I said. "I've got the same problem."

"Wh... in what way, pup?"

I puffed. I was shivering. I gazed straight into his eyes. It was now or never.

"Rex... I can't stop thinking...

...about you."

The fifth picture in the 'Snapshots' series, a collection of images and short stories depicting the relationship between Rexar and Mike.


Snapshots - Moment Of Weakness
16/01/2014
Snapshots - Moment Of Weakness

MIKE: As soon as I stepped in the front door, I froze.

Shattered glass on the carpet. A picture frame smashed into pieces. The hall table heaved onto its side. We must have been burgled.
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I stood there for a moment. My heart was thumping in my chest. I started running over everything in my head: The key was still in my hand, the door had definitely been locked. Maybe they had come in round the back. Maybe they had smashed a window. Maybe they were still in there, lurking around the corner.

My instincts were pushing me to run back out of the door. Any step closer to the next room made me fear encountering the intruder in the act. But then I remembered: Rexar's car was out the front. He must be here. Unless he had walked out?...

Suddenly there was a grunt. I jumped. It sounded like it came from the front room. As I thought about it for a moment, it sounded like Rex. Maybe he was in there after all. Cautiously tip-toeing my way around the mess in the hallway, I crept towards the lounge door.

Slowly, I peered in. There was Rex, sitting on the couch. My heartbeat eased a little.

"...Rex?"

He turned, startled. Raising his hand over his face, he quickly turned away again.

I stopped. My eyes took a second to realise what they had just seen. Rex's face was wet. His eyes looked raw and hurt. He had been crying.

For a moment, I was taken aback. I'd never seen him like that before. I had known Rex for years, but I had never seen him look so vulnerable. He had always been so strong and confident, yet in that instant, he looked broken.

I walked round to the front of the couch. Rex kept his head down. I wasn't sure if he wanted me there, but I had to know what was going on.

"Rex? Wh... what's happened? What's wrong?"

He was silent, keeping his head down. Then a sniffle. A deep sigh.

"It's Carl..." he croaked. "Him and me... It's over."

I stood back. I was stunned. I didn't know what to think. In my head, a terrible, shameful part of me had hoped to hear those words one day. But as I looked at Rex, I knew this was not what I had wanted. I would never have wished him to feel this upset.

"Oh Rex..." I sighed. "I'm... I'm so sorry."

He stayed there, keeping his head down. Motionless.

"...What ...what happened?" I asked tentatively.

He grunted. "Ugh... let me put it this way," he said. "He likes his other boyfriend more."

My jaw dropped. I realised what he meant. I couldn't believe it.

"Oh Rex, no... he wasn't...?"

He nodded.

I slowly sat down on the floor in front of him. He kept his gaze down, his eyes red, still brimming with tears.

"Are you sure? I mean... what did... how did you find out?" I stuttered.

"He admitted it," grumbled Rex. "He had to. I found things at his place. Didn't take much to figure it out."

I turned away. I wasn't sure whether to pry any more. He was clearly hurting.

"H... how long?" I asked nervously.

"Months," he said. "Probably half the time we've been going out. Longer, maybe... Some flash prick called Felipe. And he knew what was going on, he knew me and Carl were going out - didn't seem to bother him. Didn't burn his conscience at all. Didn't bother either of them, they were happy just carrying it on behind my back."

He snorted, rubbing his snout against his arm. I leant over and handed him a tissue from the box on the table. He took it weakly, dabbing under his eyes before he started to tell me more. More about Felipe, more about Carl, more about what he had said to him and all the things he had done for him. I didn't know what to say - I just sat and listened.

He dropped back in the chair, brushing his hands up over his face before letting out another exhausted sigh.

"And you wanna hear the kicker?" he snarled. "I asked Carl why the hell he was even bothering with me then - if this dick was so much better than me, if they were so much damn happier with each other. And y'know what he said?..."

He glanced at me, gritting his teeth. I could hear the bitterness, the hurt in his voice.

"Cos I was such a 'kind, generous person'..." he scoffed. "Yeah - in other words, I was the one he could get stuff from."

I puffed, exasperated. I knew what he was feeling. Rex had earned enough money and become pretty well known through his career, and I knew one of his biggest fears was for someone to end up using him for it. And now his own boyfriend had lived up to that fear.

"I don't know," he sighed, sniffling again, the anger in his voice fading into uncertainty. "I... I don't know where I must be falling short, y'know."

"What?" I said, surprised.

"I dunno, Mike. I don't get it. I just don't get what I must be doing wrong..."

"Whoa, hey - you're not doing anything wrong," I interrupted. "Rex, you are not doing anything wrong."

"Well I just don't get it. I don't know what more I was supposed to do."

"Nothing," I cried. "Nothing, Rex. You didn't do anything wrong - this is not your fault. Trust me, it's not. I-I..."

My jaw clenched. I actually felt angry. I'd never liked Carl. But as much as I disliked him, I never thought he'd be capable of doing something like this. To treat Rexar in this way, to leave him in this mess... I was furious. I wasn't sure whether I should say what I felt. But seeing Rex reduced to this state, feeling so unsure of himself, I felt compelled to let him know what I thought. To slay his self-doubt.

"Rex..." I started. "Can... can I be really honest with you?"

He sat still for a moment, cautiously lifting his gaze to me. "Go on..."

I looked in his eyes. I still didn't know whether I should say anything. Maybe he was too fragile, maybe he would think I was insulting him in some way. But in that instant, I could see a fear in his eyes. A fear as if he had become so doubtful of himself that he was now anxious about whether my honesty might be scathing of him. That was enough.

"Rex... I think Carl's a jerk."

He stared at me. He looked uneasy.

"I... I don't like him," I continued. "I never did. I never liked him."

"How come?"

I took a deep breath. I'd said it now. I might as well tell him everything.

"Because... I thought he was arrogant. I thought he was selfish. I mean, he never used to meet you halfway on anything. I'd see it - any time you guys wanted to do something, it always had to be on his terms, y'know? And he... he always treated me like I was in the way."

Rex turned. His eyes widened. "What?"

"Carl... didn't like the fact that I was living with you, Rex," I said. "He didn't want me here. He was always asking me how much longer I was going to be staying here, why I hadn't found somewhere else to live, whether I was going out anywhere if you guys were spending the night in. I dunno if he was just being paranoid or if he didn't like having anybody else around, or if he just genuinely didn't like me. But... that's what he was like towards me."

Rex looked down. He shook his head and snorted. I think he felt guilty.

"Ugh... Mike, I'm... I'm sorry, I had no idea."

"No, it's all right, Rex," I said. "Don't apologise. It wasn't your fault."

He sat quiet for a minute. I was hoping I hadn't said too much.

"...I am so stupid," he muttered.

"What?"

"I just... I dunno. I should've realised. I should've figured it out sooner. The way he kept changing plans... kept disappearing off to make phone calls... never wanted us to stay at his place... Stupid. I should've known."

"No no no. You're not stupid, Rex," I said firmly. "You're not stupid. There's nothing stupid about putting your trust in someone who's supposed to care about you, y'know? Besides, you are a good guy. A great guy. If Carl is too dumb or too shallow to see that, forget him."

I got up off the floor and stood over him. "Listen - I know you, Rex," I said. "You're the best friend I have ever had, the best friend I could ever ask for. You're kind, you're understanding, you're compassionate. You've done so much for me over the years. And honestly, I-I can't... I can't see what anybody could ever want, that you couldn't give them. You just... you deserve so, so much better. You really, really do."

There was a silence. Rex sniffled again. Then slowly, he turned his head to look up at me.

"...you... you mean that, Mike?"

I looked into his eyes. "Seriously, Rex. You've... you've no idea how much I look up to you."

He fell silent again. He dipped his head and swallowed, as if trying to choke down a lump in his throat.

"Wow," he uttered. "That's... one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me, Mike."

"Well, I... I didn't.. say it to be nice, Rex. I said it because... in every way that I can see... it's the truth."

He dabbed his face with the tissue again. Then he glanced up at me and smiled.

"You're a good friend, Mike," he said. "Sorry, I must've scared the hell out of you with all that mess out there. I... went a bit nuts. I'll clean it up, don't worry."

I chuckled. "No, it's all right, I understand."

He nodded. "Thank you, pup... Kinda makes me wish there was a guy out there I could go out with that would see me in the same way you do."

I smiled. "There will be," I said. "One day, you will meet a guy who will love you and appreciate you. There's someone out there for you."

"Yeah?" he chuckled. "Well I dunno... I'd really like to know who."

And there it was. A window.

I stood there for a moment. Say it. Just say it: 'Me'. Just tell him. Don't miss another chance. Just say it. Now.

My heart started to pound. I felt my lip trembling. I felt the word trying to creep up to my mouth, then stumbling back, then climbing towards my lips again. But every time it got close, the thought of what I was about to say made it lodge in my throat. And as my pulse raced, the fear reached up and dragged it back down.

The silence was growing. It was getting long. Too long now.

Who was I kidding. This wasn't the time. The poor guy had just suffered heartbreak, he was too vulnerable right now. The last thing he could cope with would be his supposedly straight friend suddenly confusing him with some intense outpouring of emotion.

My heart slowed. The word fell away into my core. He looked up at me, as if waiting for some response.

I sighed. Another day, I thought. Another day.

"There's someone out there, Rex," I said. "I'm sure of it."

The fourth picture in the 'Snapshots' series, a collection of images and short stories depicting the relationship between Rexar and Mike.


Snapshots - Out Of The Crowd
05/01/2014
Snapshots - Out Of The Crowd

REXAR: It was getting late. Most of the guys had already left the party. The rest of us had gathered into a few small groups dotted around the club. It had been a long season, and now everyone on the team was just chilling out looking forward to our summer break.
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Carl was still outside the door talking on the phone. Hopefully he wasn't going to be too much longer as I'd had a few drinks and was getting keen to call it a night myself. Thankfully the music had quietened down a bit by now, so I had a quick chat with a couple of the coaches and then headed to the bar for one last drink.

Then I spotted Mike. He was sitting in the other corner of the club on his own. I wasn't sure how long he'd been there.

"Hey, there you are," I said, walking over to the table. "I wondered where you'd got to!"

He glanced up at me with a shy smile. "Heh... yeah, I'm still here, Rex," he muttered, taking a sip of his orange juice. "Where's Carl?"

"Ah, he's just out front on his phone," I said. "He'll be back in a minute. I'm thinking of probably heading back to the house soon anyway if that's okay with you?"

"That's fine, Rex."

He seemed quiet. I stood there for a moment, just watching him sitting there hunched forward, looking down at his glass as he idly swirled the juice around the sides. It was obvious he had something on his mind.

"Are you okay, pup?" I asked.

"Yeah..." he sighed. "I'm fine."

I slid round the table and sat down next to him. "You sure? You seem... a bit down or something."

He sat quietly for a second, still looking down at his glass. He shook his head slightly. "Nah... it's nothing."

"Hey, no, come on. What is it?" I asked.

"It's nothing, I... I don't really want to bother you with it."

I shifted over, leaning back and resting my arm on the chair behind him. "It's no bother to me," I said. "You're my buddy. Come on. What's up?"

He let out another sigh, slowly putting his drink down on the table before dropping back into the seat. He looked up and around the club cautiously, as if to check everyone else was still far away.

"I just... I dunno," he puffed. "Do you ever get the feeling you're sorta... behind everyone else?"

"What do you mean, pup?"

He shifted in the seat, still glancing around to check nobody was listening. "It's like, sometimes I come to parties like this, and I look around, and I see all these guys my age... and they've got girlfriends, wives, some of them even kids... and y'know, I'm... I'm just some lonely guy who's out of work, and relying on a friend to give me somewhere to live."

I shifted a little closer, putting my hand on his shoulder. Mike had been through a bit of a rough year, losing his job and then having to leave his home. I did feel for him.

"Well... y'know you staying at my place is not a problem to me, Mike," I said. "And besides... life's not a race or anything. You don't have to have all that stuff now. Just because other guys might already have it, doesn't mean you can't. You'll find work again sometime soon, then you'll start getting back on your feet. And then who knows?"

"I know," he said. "I just... I know I'll probably get another job eventually, and find somewhere, but... sometimes, Rex, I'm... honestly not sure if I ever will find anyone."

I chuckled a little. "Hey, come on," I said. "Everybody goes through those thoughts, Mike. I know I have. I mean, come on - I'm a few years older than you, and yeah, I'm with Carl at the moment, but we've only been going out for a few months. It's not like I've really settled down yet myself, y'know? It takes time."

He leant forward and picked up his drink again, clutching the glass as he gently ran his finger around the rim. I could tell he didn't much like to talk about this sort of thing.

"Besides," I added, "if you really wanna meet someone, you've just got to take a shot, y'know? There were lots of girls here tonight, if you'd been up for meeting somebody."

He chuckled nervously. "I dunno about all that, Rex," he said. "I guess I've always preferred the idea of going out with someone I already knew, if you know what I mean... I don't think I'm the sort of person that can just chat people up like that - I've just... I've never really been any good in an environment like this, y'know? I've never really liked parties that much."

I glanced down for a moment. I felt a bit guilty really. I knew Mike wasn't all that keen on parties, and I almost wondered whether I should've brought him along tonight. I thought he'd enjoy getting to know some of the guys on the team and spending some time away from all his worries about jobhunting and looking for a place, but they were pretty different people and I think he found it hard to fit in. I'd certainly never intended on leaving him sitting alone in a corner like this.

"Well you never know," I said. "One day, you might meet a girl who you'll feel you just have to seize the chance with."

He chuckled again. "I'm not sure, Rex," he muttered. "Sometimes I wonder if anyone would ever really want to go out with me."

"Why not, pup?"

"I dunno. I'm hardly the most interesting guy in the world, or the best looking."

I frowned. "Why d'you say that?"

"Well look at me," he scoffed. "I'm not like these other guys here tonight from your team, am I? They're all, like, big athletes and everything."

I shook my head and smiled. "I don't see what difference that makes," I said. "Hell, I mean, I know I might not be who you wanna hear it from, but... as far as I'm concerned, I've always thought you were really cute."

Mike suddenly jolted back in his seat.

"...what did you say?"

I stopped. The smile fell off my face. He was glaring at me. He looked shocked, almost nervous.

I turned my head away. What a stupid thing to say. I knew I'd had a few drinks but I don't know why the hell I'd thought that was a smart thing to blurt out. The poor guy was feeling uncomfortable enough without suddenly having his gay friend seemingly coming onto him in some drunken stupor.

"W... well I didn't mean... I... anyway, that... that's not the point," I gabbled.

He was still staring at me. And I'd still got my arm round his back too. I don't know what must've been going through his head by now. I had to say something.

"Er... s... sorry, Mike," I stuttered, pulling my arm away. "I've... I've had a bit to drink, my head's a bit... y'know. I'm not trying t... anyway, what I meant..."

He slowly sat back in the seat. I sighed, taking a moment to breathe again.

"Agh... come on, Mike," I said. "You... you can't think like that, you just can't. And, you know it's not... it's not about what you look like. Besides, you're a different kind of person from these guys, y'know? And..."

I looked back over at the other guys in the opposite corner. They were still busy drinking and chatting away.

"Frankly, I'm kinda glad you are, Mike," I said. "I mean... the guys on the team are great, but it's nice for me to have a friend like you who's about totally different stuff, y'know? You're smarter, you're quieter, you're more thoughtful, you're... you're a great guy, Mike. And someday... you're gonna meet a girl who will see that too."

He looked back down at his glass. I knew I'd probably said too much already.

"I'm sorry, pup," I said. "I'm... probably not making much sense now. I think the drink's getting to me."

Suddenly I heard the door swing open. Carl was coming back in. Probably just as well - I was better off not having another drink.

I turned back to Mike. "Hey," I said. "D'you wanna finish up that drink and we'll walk back?"

He looked up. "Okay," he said.

I gave him a little pat on the back as he quickly downed the last of the juice. With that, I went over to Carl and we said goodnight to the other guys. It sounded like they were going to stick around for a while longer yet.

Hopefully Mike wasn't going to remember too much from tonight. To be honest, by the morning, I was hoping I wouldn't either.

The third picture in the 'Snapshots' series, a collection of images and short stories depicting the relationship between Rexar and Mike.



2013
The Player's Photoshoot
20/11/2013
The Player's Photoshoot

As one of their star players, Rexar always gets picked out to do his football team's photoshoot for the promotions of their new kit releases. The club was very pleased with the results, though an internal investigation is underway as to who authorised the final photo, seemingly taken some time after the official shoot...

Over the years I have come to imagine Rexar as a professional footballer, so I decided to produce a compilation of poses featuring him wearing his football club's kit (or uniform). As players at most clubs wear different colours for home and away matches, I designed two kits for Rexar. The club and logos are entirely fictional.

Click the thumbnail to see the blue home kit version - the black away kit version can be found here.


Snapshots - Lost Opportunity
28/09/2013
Snapshots - Lost Opportunity

MIKE: I don't even know why I was listening.

Carl was here again. He had come over plenty of times before. It shouldn't have been bothering me by now, but I couldn't help it. Deep down I knew nothing had changed. But I still felt like I had been pushed out.
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I knew it was wrong to eavesdrop. This was their time. As far as they knew, I'd gone to bed ages ago. But I guess I just needed to know if I was right about Rex. I needed to know if he was really like I had imagined. And the longer I sat there, the more I realised he was.

I could hear him there, whispering in Carl's ear. Most of the words were mere blurs, lost in the bubble of their intimacy. But every one sounded so soft. His voice was so calming, so soothing. Every now and then, I heard the quiet brush of his tender caress, a soft purr, a gentle kiss. Closing my eyes for an instant, I could almost feel him.

It wouldn't have bothered me so much if I liked Carl. But I didn't.

I didn't know what Rex saw in him. I thought he was arrogant. I thought he was self-centred. And he always made me feel like I was in the way. Rex had tried so hard to be fair to both of us, to let me carry on staying with him while I looked for a new place. But whenever Carl came over, it was like I needed to be locked away, like I was some unwanted intruder in their relationship.

I knew it was awkward. I probably should have found somewhere by now and gotten out of their hair. Rex probably wanted his privacy anyway - no doubt it would have made their relationship easier for him without having to work around me all the time.

But then I would think to myself: why should I be made to feel in the way? Why should my friendship with Rex be overruled by this guy? Sometimes, I felt like going up to Carl and saying "don't treat me like this. You've only known Rex for three months. I've known him for two years and he's been kind enough to let me stay here. How dare you. How dare you make me feel like I don't belong here."

I knew I'd never say it though. I didn't want to argue with him. That wouldn't be fair to Rex either. The balance was delicate enough without me upsetting the status quo.

No. Sitting there, resting my head against the wall, I knew the truth. It wasn't Carl I was annoyed at. It was myself.

Why hadn't I said anything? Why hadn't I just told Rex how I felt after I moved in? If only I'd just been a bit braver, if only I'd just had the courage to seize the moment. It could've been me out there, feeling that warmth, that tenderness, that protection. Not sitting in here in the dark listening to them, wondering what might have been.

I don't know. It probably wouldn't have happened anyway. As far as Rex was concerned, I was a straight guy who he could call his friend. He'd probably never thought about me in that way for an instant. Besides, even if he did know how I felt, I probably wasn't in his league. Carl was an athlete, a proper, muscular, good-looking wolf. I was just a shy, goofy little spaniel. I wasn't the sort of person a guy like Rex would go out with.

I could still hear them, cuddling each other. There had been other nights like this. I'd be lying there in bed, seeing the glow of the light under my door, knowing they were sitting out there late into the night. Then I'd hear them moving into Rex's room and the slit under the door would go black. I don't know if they ever took things further - right now, I didn't want to know.

That was it. I'd hurt myself too long sitting there thinking about it. Very slowly, I pushed my door closed, trying hard not to make a sound. I didn't want them to know I was still up, listening in on them like that.

The warm glow of the sitting room thinned away and the darkness swarmed in, broken only by the cold blue light of the moon through the open curtains. Creeping over to the bed and sliding quietly under the cover, I turned away from the slit of light still slipping under my door. I wasn't going to watch it go out this time.

There was no use feeling sorry for myself. There was nothing I could do, nothing I could say. The reality was simple.

I guess I had missed my chance.

The second picture in the 'Snapshots' series, a collection of images and short stories depicting the relationship between Rexar and Mike. While the series is not intended to follow a strict timeline, I decided the first few instalments should take more of a chronological form in order to better convey the history behind Rexar and Mike.


Snapshots - Admiration
08/09/2013
Snapshots - Admiration

MIKE: There it was. That feeling again.

Why did I keep wanting to look at him? What was the matter with me? Rex had always been my friend, but I had never thought about him like this before. It was like that dream had shown me a completely different side of him, and now I couldn't stop wondering - would it really be like that?
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I don't know why I was even thinking about it. It was just a dream. But it had felt so real. I could remember how safe I felt, how right it felt, how excited I felt. To be like that with him, to have him being that intimate with me, being that gentle with me. I just couldn't get that idea out of my head. The more I looked at him, the more I wanted to know whether he could be like that in real life... and the more I felt sure that he would.

He'd always been so great to me. He'd always helped me out, he'd always made me feel better about myself. And now he'd given me a safe and comfortable place to stay when I had nowhere else to go. Whenever he was around, I just felt like I didn't need to worry. Seeing him there, lying around in his back garden, just chilling out and reading his book - even though he wasn't even trying, he was like this presence of security, of support, of protection. No matter what might happen at that moment, even if I was really frightened, it would be okay as long as he was there. And I yearned for him to be closer.

But it wasn't just that. Looking at him now, it was as if he was no longer just my friend. It was like I was seeing him for the animal he was. Strong, powerful, athletic. I'd seen his body before, watching him playing football on TV, swapping shirts at the end of the match and showing off his physique. But it was so different seeing him in front of me like that, seeing the sheer size of his frame, the full depth of his curves and muscles. I was only just realising how incredible he looked.

And it made the feeling more intense. I felt like I had protection from someone so strong, so confident. And knowing that he was a dinosaur too - this species, so much more ancient than my own, that primal, prehistoric power still living on within him, feeling that he could still release it when he wished - it made him seem so much more impressive to me. The fact that he was male didn't seem to deter me anymore - in fact, there was something about his masculine strength that I found so reassuring.

I could feel the excitement surging inside me as my eyes traced his form. Everything about him was so perfect - his big arms, his powerful legs, his thick, strong chest rising and falling softly with the slow, relaxed rhythm of his lungs. The vibrant, warm colour of his skin, his smooth, moist scales glistening in the light, rippling gently over his finely toned muscles. Even the way he gently lifted his toes, tipping his sandal to let the air cool the soft orange skin of his feet. I just couldn't stop admiring him...

Suddenly I realised he wasn't looking at his book anymore. He was looking at me. I turned my head away quickly. How long had he been looking? Had he seen me gazing at him like that? Had he seen me turn away quickly like that? He must have noticed something...

"Hey - everything okay, pup?" he said. "You got something on your mind?"

Oh Rex. If only you knew.

The first picture in the 'Snapshots' series, a collection of images and short stories depicting the relationship between Rexar and Mike.



2012
Rexar Profile 2012
01/11/2012
Rexar Profile 2012

Rexar's updated profile picture for the RipRoarRex's Realm 2012 revamp.


Rexar Relaxing [2012 Anniversary Edition]
21/04/2012
Rexar Relaxing [2012 Anniversary Edition]

Precisely five years on from the day Rexar was first introduced to the world in a picture entitled 'Rexar Relaxing' (see below), this modern day recreation serves to celebrate his fifth anniversary within the furry fandom.



2011
Fantasy In Red
29/03/2011
Fantasy In Red

There he stands in the darkness, a vision
Of deepest fantasy, incarnate as flesh and blood,
His beating heart pulsing with animal fire.
For you are his chosen one, a lone witness
To his erotic beauty, perfect in its pure, masculine glory...
(Show More) (Hide)

Luring his mate with provocative adult display,
The caress of his curves in sensual indulgence, yearning
To share the pleasure with you; for the first time.
To let you discover the rewards for loyalty,
For your devotion, as your lover is reborn,
Shedding the outside world, his temptation and desire
Drawing a power from deep within to which the body yields,
Returning once more to life's wild roots.
A reminder of his true nature, always waiting,
Lying dormant beneath civilised restraint,
Until passion breaks apart the shackles.
Now no longer just your lover; how lust has unleashed
The magnificent primal beast within,
Harnessed for your pleasure.




2010
One More Hour
31/12/2010
One More Hour

"Okay, Mike. You win. Just one more hour."

Something a little softer portraying the way I like to imagine Rexar and Mike as a couple.


Rexar Griffin
14/06/2010
Rexar Griffin

Imagine if Rexar was a member of the Griffin family...

Experimenting with drawing Rexar in the Family Guy style. (Couldn't resist drawing Brian in there having a rant - just for fun!)



2008
Rexar Profile 2008
09/04/2008
Rexar Profile 2008

Rexar and Tydo as they appeared in the 2008-2012 incarnation of RipRoarRex's Realm.



2007
Rexar Says 'Welcome To LD5'
18/06/2007
Rexar Says "Welcome To LD5"

Rexar welcomes everyone to macrophilic paw site Lava Dome Five in the most appropriate way he knows how.

This picture was done as a request for Blue at Lava Dome Five to serve as a welcome image for the homepage of the site from 2007-08.


Rexar With The World At His Feet
25/05/2007
Rexar With The World At His Feet

Displaying a casual contempt for the entire population of Planet Earth, a mega-macro Rexar toys with the little pebble between his toes.

This was a request for anstallion1and2dontexist who wanted to see Rexar with the world at his feet.


Rexar Relaxing
21/04/2007
Rexar Relaxing

Rexar introduces himself to the world and immediately sets about showing off one of his most handsome features - his feet.

The very first digital piece of furry artwork I had ever produced for public viewing, made just three days after discovering the fandom.


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Traditional artwork


Pre-2007
'You're Next!'
Est. late 2006
"You're Next!"

Having finished with his previous plaything, Rexar now turns to his next victim - you.

An old sketch dating back to the days before I had discovered the fandom. It also represents one of the first ever first-person angles I had attempted.


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